OUR 'ARMONICS CLUB
 
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On a Monday night when the blokes 'as finished work
And the merry 'dibs' 'as been a flowin' free
At the Broker's Arms there's a parlour set aside
Where us coves indulges in sweet 'armony
There we sits an' sings till the clock strikes twelve
We could go on all the night without a doubt
But the 'boss' calls 'time' and if that don't make us move
Why he sends the potboy in to chuck us out

Chorus: With my 'ammer in my 'and there I sits as large as life
Surrounded by the patrons of the pub
Oh! I ain't by nature proud, but I feels a regular 'treat'
When I takes the chair at our 'Armonics Club


Rorty Bill sets down and fakes the dominoes
Then I calls on Mr 'Arris for a song
In 'is ear I whispers 'Arris cut it short'
'Cos 'is songs is allus very much too long
Then the blokes all grin -they 'ave 'eard him sing afore
Of all the singers there he is the wust
But he thinks he's big and he likes to do a turn
So I allus call on Mister 'Arris fust

Chorus: With my 'ammer in my 'and there I sits as large as life
Surrounded by the patrons of the pub
Oh! I ain't by nature proud, but I feels a regular 'dook'
When I takes the chair at our 'Armonics Club


'Arter that I raps the table very 'ard
Some old bloke 'as kindly offered to recite
So he trots out sharp and he bows to all around
And addresses of the company perlite
'E forgets his 'bit' and the coves begin to laugh
'E turns to me and says it ain't 'the thing'
But they shout, 'Set down, turn it up my rorty pal'
And our comic man is called upon to sing

Chorus: With my 'ammer in my 'and there I sits as large as life
Surrounded by the patrons of the pub
Oh! I ain't by nature proud, but I feels a regular 'Hearl'
When I takes the chair at our 'Armonics Club


There's a cove what plays the Banjo very nice
And political effusions is 'is line
'E composed a verse wot contained a gentle 'int
That a certain grand old party should resign
Then a gent wot wheels a barrer down the 'cut'
Shouted 'Bravo cully, very good, honcore!'
''m and Rorty Bill wots a Liberal come to blows
And the argument was settle on the floor

Chorus: With my 'ammer in my 'and there I sits as large as life
Surrounded by the patrons of the pub
Oh! I ain't by nature proud, but I feels a regular 'markis'
When I takes the chair at our 'Armonics Club


Once a year we gives a very special night
When the company's particularly chice
I'm the 'virtuous' chair, but to gratify my pals
A member of the Local's Board's the 'vice'
He surveys the scene with a patronisin' air
And 'e makes a speech I looks upon as crood
But before he's done, it's a thousand pounds to one
'E gets landed on the nose for bein' rude

Chorus: With my 'ammer in my 'and there I sits as large as life
Surrounded by the patrons of the pub
Oh! I ain't by nature proud, but I feels a regular 'Viscount'
When I takes the chair at our 'Armonics Club


Then the 'boss' calls 'time' and the clock is striking twelve
We 'as one more booze afore we goes to roost
'Arris turns round sharp and 'e kicks up such a row
With a bloke as says 'is fust song it was goosed
They appeals to me, and I settles it at once
But fust I tips my rorty pal a wink
For they've broke one rule, they've disturbed the 'Armony
And they've got to stand their chairmen both a drink

Chorus: With my 'ammer in my 'and there I sits as large as life
Surrounded by the patrons of the pub
Oh! I ain't by nature proud, but I feels a regular 'Grand order of Buffaloes'
When I takes the chair at our 'Armonics Club.
 
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Written and performed by Albert Chevalier (1861-1923)
Performed by Charles Coborn (1852-1945)
 
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