Now, sometimes a man 'as a lot of money left to 'im
And don't know the proper way to use it
And yet, like myself, when you get a fortune left to yer
Yer don't like erzactly to refuse it
When my Uncle Bill, what I hadn't seen for years
Left me all the money he possessed
My wife says to me, 'Now you're a really wealfy man
We'll move out of Camberwell as quickly as we can
And take a nice 'ouse up West
The great big place where we're living now
Is somthing handsome that's true
We ain't been there three weeks, but
My old gel 'as got the needle - me, too.

Chorus: Our 'ouse is our own, bought and paid for right out
But our servants are our gov'nors,
They absolutely order us about
Now, living up the West may be best,
But is it 'omely, not in the least
Give me a nice little four-roomed 'ouse
Down at Camberwell, Souf-East.

We don't go at all in the room they call the drorin'-room
A room you could put a coach-and-four in
'Cos what is the use of a Drorin'-room at anyone
That ain't edjercated up in drorin'
The butler's a bloke with a 'orty kind o' way
Makes me feel so nervous when we dine
If I sucks a bone, lor, 'e gets in quite a state
And looks so annoyed with me a-'cos I licks my plate
As if it's 'is plate - not mine
The cook last week she gave the missis notice
And she called me ill-bred
A-'cos I fancied something for my dinner
What was tasty - Pig's 'ead.


I pass nearly all of my time inside the libery
When I ain't a-sleepin' or a-feedin'
I've got nearly 'alf through the Dictionairy lately
Though it ain't very interestin' readin'
We've just got a nice new pianner in the 'ouse
Liza quickly learnt the way to play
She says it's the rule with the aristockracy
To go in for music, and I do believe that she
Could turn the 'andle all day
O'course, I've got a private picture-gallery
Of portraits and views
They do look grand - my missis cut 'em from
The 'Illustrated P'lice News.'


Written and composed by Fred W. Leigh & George Le Brunn - 1902
Performed by Alec Hurley (1871-1913)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
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