Women are blots on the landscape of life
Oh, Woe and alas
Makers of discords and stirrers of strife
Real snakes in the grass
Anyone's welcome to 'ave 'em for keeps
Really they gives me the creeps
Oh 'ow I 'ates women
They screech and they chatter and yell
Black-beetles and earwigs and such things as those
Are sent for some purpose in life, I suppose
But what use are women? why, nobody knows
I 'ate em. like 'ell

Women are flies in the gravy of joy
Oh, anguish and pain
I married one when an innocent boy
No, never again
Some call 'em angels and sweet bits of fluff
My advice is treat 'em rough
Oh, 'ow I 'ate women
My thoughts are too bitter to tell
If all of the females who've worrited me
Were tied up in bundles and pushed in the sea
I would treat myself to an egg for my tea
I 'ate 'em, like 'ell

Women are slugs in the cabbage of bliss
Oh, sorrow and grief
Each time you manage to give 'em a miss
Lord, what a relief
If you want something to fondle and pet
Give me a tame marmoset
Oh, 'ow I 'ate women
They're vain and deceitful as well
They powder their noses then ask you for cheques
I've 'eard 'em called 'ducks' by the opposite sex
I wish they were ducks then I'd wring all their necks
I 'ate 'em, like 'ell
Written and composed by Percy Greenbank & H. Fraser-Simpson (1873-1944)
Performed by A.W. Baskcomb (1880-1939)
Performed by Hugh E. Wright (1879-1940)
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