P.C. FORTY-NINE
 
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When I was out of work the missus nagged so much, you see
I went down to the station to see if I'd make a 'D'
They dressed me in this uniform, and then they said said to me
'You're P.C. Forty-nine'
The first day I came out the kids threw mud and spoiled my clothes
A dozen navvies looked at me, then punched me on the nose
I don't suppose Jack Johnson ever stopped so many blows
As P.C. forty-nine.

Refrain: P.C.Forty-nine! Anyone can have this job of mine
They threw me in some melted tar till I was nearly dead
Then got a big steam-roller, which they ran across my head
When I got back the Sergeant cried, 'Who are you?' so I said
'I'm P.C.Forty-nine.


One night they held a meeting to advance the suffragette
The Sergeant said, 'We need a lot of men they can't upset.'
He looked round the station, then he shouted, you can bet
For P.C.forty-nine.
But how those women mauled me when they caught me by the throat
They tore the clothes right off my back, to try and get the vote
For all they left me wearing was the collar of my coat
With 'P.C.Forty-nine.'

Refrain: P.C.Forty-nine! Anyone can have this job of mine
They ripped my clothes to ribbons, so for help I had to call
The Sergeant looked at me and said, as I stood by the wall
'I thought it was Maud Allen, but it isn't her at all
'It's P.C.forty-nine.


I'm getting used to burglars, I know 'em all by sight
In fact, there's nothing else around , still everything's all right
You see I get so lonely that they're company at night
For PC forty-nine.
They come around and make me hold their ladders down below
While they climb into the window and into the house they go
I don't know how it is but somehow they don't seem to know
I'm P.C. forty-nine.

Refrain: P.C.forty-nine. Anyone can have this job of mine
When I get out the hand-cuffs to arrest the tricky band
They said they'd give me ninepence for them,
Snatched 'em from my hand
And when they stole my helmet 'cos they didn't understand
I was P.C. forty-nine.


The Sergeant set out one night on a desperado's track
But couldn't find this Anarchist, so after he came back
He said, 'there's only one man who can catch Ferocious Jack
That's P.C. forty-nine.
So I dressed like a woman, 'twas a good disguise no doubt
Then in the den of anarchists I rushed with such a shout
In half a minute after there was one poor chap laid out
'Twas P.C. forty-nine.

Refrain: P.C.forty-nine. Anyone can have this job of mine
They tied me to a lamp-post and they set me all on fire
I blazed up like a furnace - I was still in girl's attire
The Sergeant said, 'It's Joan of Arc' but I said, 'You're a liar,
I'm P.C. forty-nine.
 
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Written and composed by William Hargreaves - 1913
Performed by J.W. Rickaby (1869-1929)
 
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