P.C. GREEN
(They Don't Interfere With Me)
 
div
 
I used to work just as hard as any Turk,
Work'd so hard I got annoyed,
So yesterday I went up and drew my pay,
Then I joined the unemployed:
A doctor came and measured me and when he saw my feet,
Said that they were large enough and put me on a beat,
Put this truncheon in my hand, in my hand, in my hand,
For a 'slop' he said I'd do a treat:

Chorus: I'm glad that I'm a member of the force,
I'm little Billy Green, P.C.
I only walk about in my uniform of blue,
Absolutely nothing else to do. do. do;
When people have a row and want to fight,
I shut my eyes and then I can't see,
I don't interfere with them
And they never interfere with me!

I never buy bacca and I'll tell you why,
I can always get some shag.
I spot a 'yob' smokin and I'm on the job,
Clip his ear, then pinch his fag:
The slaveys round the neighbourhood, I fill them with delight,
When through the area railings every night I shine my light,
Once a lady suffragette chained herself to me, the pet!
She's going to do the same tomorrow night:

Chorus:

I do a grin on the Bill of Licensing,
People won't be taken down,
I'm making quids nursing other people's kids
While they're in the Rose and Crown:
The other night I bravely caught a burgular, you know,
But found it was a pal of mine and had to let him go;
Girls all like my uniform, see them round about me swarm,
Every time they hear my whistle blow:

Chorus:

I never nark couples courting in the park,
I've been on the same old game,
I hold my tongue, let 'em do it while they're young,
They've only got themselves to blame:
I often see a ballet girl, her name is Mary Peck,
Loaded up with twos of gin, she's getting such a wreck,
She warms her pretty hands upon my lamp when the night is very damp,
And walks home with her tights around her neck.

Chorus:

 
div
 
Written and composed by Fred Murry, C. Hilbury and Percy Ford - 1910
Performed by Harry Champion (1865-1942)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
div
 
home spaceA spaceB spaceC spaceD spaceE spaceF spaceG spaceH spaceI spaceJ spaceK spaceL spaceM spaceN spaceO spaceP spaceQ spaceR spaceS spaceT spaceU spaceV spaceW spaceX spaceY spaceZ