PARDONNEZ MOI.
 
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Me just come over here from France,
Your country for to see,
And as me no speak English vell,
It is not good for me,
I try to do all tings vats right,
But find it is in vain,
And often do I wish myself
In dear Old France again.

Spoken - I go to a shop to buy a chapeau I tell ze man to send ze old von to ze hotel and vas walk out of ze shop, ven ze man he say, Monsieur, down on ze nail, ze monez first, Ah! monsieur, l say,

Chorus: Pardonnez moi, pardonnez moi.'
Pardonnez moi, Monsieur,
Me no speak English vell,
And you no Francais parlez vous,
And zen I am a stranger here,
Your custom's never saw,
I did not know down on ze nail,
Monsieur, pardonnez moi!

I go and get my hat and coat,
And my umbrella too,
Ze lady put her bonnet on,
And zen ve say adieu,
I try to soothe ze little dear,
As both ve valk along,
Zen she propose zat off ve goes,
To some nice Restaurant.

Spoken - So ve go and have nice supper and vine, and just as I call ze Garcon to pay ze bill, a big man come over to me and say, sare,du you know zat lady is my vife? 'Ah! monsieur, I say,

Chorus: Pardonnez moi, pardonnez moi.'
Pardonnez moi, Monsieur, Me no speak English vell,
And you no Francais parlez vous,
And zen I am a stranger here,
Your custom's never saw,
I did not know she was your vife,
Monsieur, pardonnez moi!

Zen as I valk along ze street,
I meet ze English lass,
She smile at me, zen stand before,
And would not let me pass;
At first I could not understand,
All tings dis girl do say,
But find at last she vish me,
I should take her to ze play.

Spoken - After I pay for my coat, hat,umbrella, ze lady's bonnet, and to show me to my seat - ze man want me to pay for a programme, I say, I, tink you could afford to give it me, Oh come, he say, no dem nonsense here, zin he call ze manager and he say, Monsieur in zis country nobody give anyting. Oh! I say,

Chorus: Pardonnez moi, pardonnez moi.'
Pardonnez moi, Monsieur, Me no speak English vell,
And you no Francais parlez vous,
And zen I am a stranger here,
Your custom's never saw,
I tink zere is dem nonsence here,
Monsieur, pardonnez moi!

Ze people, zen zay gather round,
And look at him and me,
A young man zen he laugh and say,
Oh Crikey here's a spree,
Ze lady look so meek and mild,
Ze man so fierce and tall,
And I am bound to acknowledge;
I look so very small.

Spoken - Zen he come over to me and crack my head, blow my nose, kick me and knock me down. Take care, I said, take care, a little more and you will insult me, zen he come to me and say, when a man in zis country take avay anozer man's vife, it is ze custom to do vat I have, done to you,Oh!, I say, zat makes all ze difference.

Chorus: Pardonnez moi, pardonnez moi.'
Pardonnez moi, Monsieur, Me no speak English vell,
And you no Francais parlez vous,
And zen I am a stranger here,
Your custom's never saw,
I do not like your customs tho'
Monsieur, pardonnez moi!

 
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From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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