POM! POM! POM!
 
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A month ago I took a house
A little way from Town,
Determined that in solitude,
I should be settled down.
The first morning that I awoke
I rose up with a groan,
For I found my next door neighbour
Daily practised the Trombone.

Chorus: Pom,pom,pom,pom, pom, pom,pom,
In aggravating tones,
He must have had the largest
And the loudest of trombones.
Pom,pom, pom,pom, pom, pom,pom,
I could have smashed his bones,
The line you must draw somewhere,
And I draw it at trombones.

When I found out the sort of man
I for a neighbour had,
Upon my word I really thought
I should have gone quite mad.
I can do with certain instruments,
And love sweet vocal tones,
I can stand the clarionet or flute,
But,dash it! not trombones? f

Spoken - Especially when you hear nothing - else but...

Chorus:

Now whether you are humble,
Or possess a lot of pelf,
A motto says that you should love
Your neighbour as yourself.
Well I might have loved my neighbour
If he'd played a tune right through,
But for lonr weeks every morning,
This is all I've heard him do

Chorus:

For quite three hours this morning
He had played without a pause,
At last I got quite angry,
And I'm sure you'll say I'd cause.
I banged against the wall and said,
"Sir, this is quite absurd
For goodness sake, take twelve bars rest."
But this is all I heard.

Chorus:

I advertised my house to let,
And soon a tenant got
A lady, who remarked, "Oh, what
A charming little spot"
She's taken it for six months,
And she's paid the money down,
She revels in rural residences
And her name is Brown.

Chorus:

Spoken after 5th verse - In this instance she's done brown. While I signed the receipt for the money she remarked, "I think the charm of a rural residence is in the beautiful silence that reigns around, broken only by the sound of the birds. Can you hear the cuckoo?" "Oh yes," I replied, "in the season." "Indeed." she exclaimed, "and the nightingale?" "Oh yes," I said "in the season!" "Oh," she ejaculated, "I love birds." "Well" I said, "there are plenty of love birds in this locality" "Indeed!" she exclaimed. "Oh yes," I said "in the season, the Summer season, you'll see them walking arm in arm." "Ah," Mrs. Brown remarked, "I love everything rural." "Well," I replied, "it's very nice at times." "I'm sure," she said, "it must be heart breaking to you having to part with this charming spot." "Well," I replied "it does pain me, but, as I told you, I have to go to the Continong on important business." Then Mrs.Brown rose and said, "Well, I must leave you, I'm sure I shall be delighted with the place, it will be so charming of a morning to hear the music of the birds. Well Good-day, good-day." I said, "Good-day, good-day" "Yes," I thought, "you'll not only hear the music of the birds every morning, but you'll hear...

Chorus:

 
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Written and composed by Arthur Lloyd - 1892
Performed by Arthur Lloyd (1840 - 1904)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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