THE POSTMAN
 
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Hullo! here's your favourite Postman who damages your street door
And frightens the poor old ladies who live on the second floor
For general information I have such an awful thirst
That when I have unclaimed letters the envelopes always burst
Although not a scandal monger, a prig, or a small Paul Pry
I do like to have my finger in somebody elses' pie.

(Some patter to the effect that if they burst then he can't help look
inside and a murder revealed when he does so)


Chorus: Oh, I do like to be in the know, you know
That's why I went into the G.P.O.
For things that I see are enjoyment to me
Oh, I do like to be in the know.


A most highly scented billet addressed to Miss Tottie Fay
'My wife is away so darling I'll take you to see the play.'
A paper for Snooks my neighbour, the colour of which is blue
The folks who don't know what this is, are I should say, very few
What's this? P.O.O. back tempter! two shillings and six - in vain
The fit of temptation's over, and Richard's himself again!

(Some more patter about things he reads in letters he has opened,
failed marriages etc etc. What P.O.O. stands for we do not know.)


Chorus:

A note saying 'Back' the lodger 'To win in the ladies race'
The lodger of course is a race horse,
(This comes from a some sporting place)
And here's one from Booth the General, his pockets he says are light
I must have some oof tomorrow, so pass round the plates tonight
A post card, what's this? good gracious! this of the lot the prize wins
'Dear Charlie, excitement all over, another arrival of twins'

(Some more patter about letter contents with examples from the
political scene and American ladies looking for Dukes)

Chorus:
 
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Performed by James Fawn (1850-1923)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
More James Fawn
 
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