THE PRO'S LANDLADY
 
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You can see by my demeanour I'm an actress
Or at least I was year or two ago
Ah me, I never thought I'd come to this game
Letting lodgings to the gay and frenzied foe
In fact I have to live out in the suburbs
When I'm sure by now I should have been a star
And to have to serve up ham-an-eggs and haddocks
And to let those saucy actors call me ma.

Chorus: But when the boys and girls began to kiss me
I know it's only jealousy because
It's better by far to be a good old has-been
Than a never will be or a never was.

When upon the stage I made my first appearance
All the other gals with envy nearly bust
Why, me first time out I nearly got a bouquet
But by chance the leading lady saw it first
I sometimes say I'll make another start girls
But the saucy cats just huff and start to groan
They said, 'You'll have to get your figure altered.'
I said, 'Anyhow what is there is my own.'

Chorus: But when the boys and girls began to kiss me
I know it's only jealousy because
It's better by far to be a good old has-been
Than a never will be or a never was.

 
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Performed by George Robey (1869-1954)
 
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