THE PUSHING YOUNG MAN
 

A firm advertised for a Pushing young man,
I thought that will just do for me,
Now, I'm very Pushing, so I Pushed off quick,
To Push myself in, don't you see;
The place was a woodyard and on the front gate,
I saw the word 'Push' on a little brass plate,

Chorus: So I Pushed the gate, then I Pushed inside,
The boss said, "You can Push a bit;
What you've got to do is to stand on that hill,
And Pull up those planks from, that pit;
They only weigh two hundred pounds a-piece,
You can Pull them up..." I gave a cough,
I said, "l don't Pull, I'm a Pushing young man?
Then I Pushed on my hat, and Pushed off."

Besides being Pushing, I'm Taking as well,
The girls Take to me like a shot;
One girl l know Took a great fancy to me,
And l Took to her on the spot.
I Took her for a walk, and as I, you see,
Am so Taking with girls, I Took her on my knee,

Chorus: "And I Took a kiss, then I Took her purse,
Then I Took my hook, don't you see,
But she overtook me and called the police,
Who took a few notes, then Took me:
The Judge said, "Well,you are a taking young man."
He seemed to Take to me at once,
Said he, "Do you like Taking things?" I said,"Yes"
He said, "All right - Take eighteen months!"

One night at a party I bet with a friend,
That I'd kissed more girls there, than he,
As each girl we'd kissed we saw enter the room,
We had to say "pip" dont you see,
If we'd kissed her more than once,we'd to say, "Pop"
The first girl that Popped in was from the Pop shop,

Chorus: I smiled and said, "Pip" and my friend said, "Pop!'
Then an old maid Popped in with a skip;
He said, "Pip" again, I said, "So I should think,
If you've kissed that, you must have the Pip;
Then in Popped another, I Pipped once more,
My friend danced all over the shop,
Said he, "That's my wife,sir!" l said, "l don't care,
It's a Pip and a Pip and a Pop!"

I saw a fat woman show once at a fair,
She weighed thirty stone, if not more,
I thought I'd go in there, but I'd got no oof,
And a big slop he stood at the door;
I made up my mind I'd go in just the same,
And I waited my chance and at last my chance came.

Chorus: So I Slipped the Slop, then Slipped inside,
But as soon as I Slipped in, you see,
That Sleepy-eyed Slop, Slapped me Slap in the back,
And his fist he soon Slipped into me;
Said he, "You've Slipped in without paying, old chap,
Now you'll Slip off." l said "Well,don't shout!"
Then I Slipped that Slop such a Slap in the chop,
And I Slapped the fat girl and Slipped out.

 
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Written and composed by Worton David and Sam Mayo - 1906
Performed by Sam Mayo (1875-1938)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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