I'm Reggie - I've got no other names, in fact I've three or four,
But that's not really what I want to say.
It's the beastly rotten luck I get I want to talk about,
Now to-night when I was coming up this way,
Some bally navvy chap had knocked his wife down in the road,
I went to hit him hard, the vulgar brat,
But the wind blew off my topper, which I had to go and fetch,
I'd have killed him if it hadn't been for that.

I was talking to some foreign chap, who lived abroad I think,
He said things about a girl I didn't like.
I mean to say - I liked the girl, but not the things he said,
So I called the chap a 'beastly foreign tyke.'
He challenged me to duel with him at 6 a.m. next day,
And I meant to hurt the wretched little rat,
But the waiter never called me until nearly half-past nine,
I'd have done it if it hadn't been for that.

For some time past I've been in love, a jolly decent girl,
I intended to propose some days ago.
But her pater's awf'ly savage, he's a Colonel Brigadier,
And he killed a lot of men in war I know.
But still I meant to ask her, only when I got inside,
I heard her say as I stood on the mat,
'If that little worm named Reggie calls, just say I'm not at home!'
I'd have asked her if it hadn't been for that.

One day last July when I was on the Brighton pier,
A charming girl fell over in the sea,
I didn't lose my head - I cried for help, and jolly loud,
But no one took the slightest heed of me.
So I took my coat and waistcoat off, and folded up my tie,
And laid my trousers out all creased and flat,
When my beastly sock-suspender caught and wouldn't come undone,
I'd have saved her if it hadn't been for that.
Written and composed by Graham Squiers & Fred Cecil - 1921
Performed by Will King
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