THE ROAST BEEF OF OLD ENGLAND
 
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Books of hist'ry tell the famous story
Of gallant men who've fought for England's glory.
We must admire them in ev'ry kind of way;
But what 'as made the British nation what it is today?
It's the roast beef of old England
That makes us do the things we do.
Hot on Sunday, cold on Monday,
Tuesday and Wednesday too, we makes it into Irish stew.
What gives the p'liceman the strength to blow 'is whistle?
It's a little bit o' fat and a little bit o' gristle
From the roast beef of old England,
That made us what we are today.

Eau de cologne is a scent that's much in favour.
Parma violet is a lovely flavour.
The odour of sweet lavender is all that we could wish,
But the scent that greets our nostrils from our favourite Sunday dish
Is the roast beef of old England
That makes us do the things we do.
Hot on Sunday, cold on Monday,
Tuesday and Wednesday too, we makes it into Irish stew.
What gives the p'liceman the strength to blow 'is whistle?
It's a little bit o' fat and a little bit o' gristle
From the roast beef of old England,
That's made us what we are today.

Once Lloyd George asked the government permission
To raise the salaries of the coalition;
He said: 'We saved the country, pulled it through the fire.'
When Bottomley got up and said: 'Now you're a blinkin' Tory.'
It's the roast beef of old England
That makes us do the things we do.
Hot on Sunday, cold on Monday,
Tuesday and Wednesday too, we makes it into Irish stew.
What gives the p'liceman the strength to hug a slavey?
It's the bit of undercut that's floating in the gravy
From the roast beef of old England,
That made us what we are today.

 
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Performed by Ernie Mayne (1871-1937)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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