THE SAME OLD LIE
 

Though guilty p'raps at times of fibs when in a fix domestic,
I have an admiration for a strictly truthful man;
And yet, methinks, one's conscience should be just a bit elastic,
And we should always speak the truth - well, that is - if we can!
There is a dear old pal of ours, on whom we're often calling,
Who keeps a 'pub' and ninth delights to praise his ale and stout,
"There's sparkling ale!" "There's splendid stout!" eternally he's bawling,
And every time we drink his bosh, he's certain to trot out -

Chorus: The same old lie! That good old lie!
He's a prince among romancers, you can spot him by his answers,
The same old lie! The good old lie!
He can go as well as ever on the same old lie!

One day at business feeling fagged, and getting rather weary,
I popped my hat on and went out to get a breath of air,
When up came Billy Lushington, a good old sort, but beery,
Who straightway coaxed me 'just to have a wee drop' then and there.
We drank to all the barmaids over 'Scotches' without number,
At two p. m. I reached my home, but being rather 'wide',
I pulled myself together? as the wife awoke from slumber,
And in my most persuasive tone endearingly I tried -

Chorus: The same old lie! The good old lie!
"I assure you, my dear 'Ria, that I've just come from a fire."
The same old lie! If you're but "fly!"
You can go as well as ever on the same old lie!

After many years of absence I once sought my Native Village,
To find out old acquaintance and recall each old pursuit,
I wandered through the orchard where in boyhood's days I'd pillage,
And in fancy seemed to feel again the burly farmer's boot.
I came across the stile where I was wont to court the Missis,
And seated there I saw a pair of lovers - beyond doubt!
I stopped and saw him squeeze her waist, and smother her with kisses,
And couldn't help a little smile, to hear him ladle out -

Chorus: The same old lie! The ancient lie!
'You know I love you dearly - so fondly and sincerely!"
The same old lie! If you're but 'fly!'
You can go as well as ever on the same old lie!

Some weeks ago my wife said, "Dear, to lessen our expenses,
Suppose we let apartments, to respectable young men,'
We both agreed 'twould answer, and so now my wife dispenses,
Smiles, bacon, eggs and coffee hot, to lodgers nine or ten.
Last night a circumstance occurred which roused my indignation,
For Tompkins vowed he missed a slice from off his mutton bone,
I met with righteous scorn the puppy's base insinuation,
And with an injured air I told him in an angry tone -

Chorus: The same old lie! "Young man," said I,
"It's the cat, the greedy glutton, He's a weakness for cold mutton,"
The same old lie! If you're but 'fly!' .
You can go as well as ever on the same old lie!

 
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Written and composed by Joseph Berry and Harry Randall - 1890
Performed by Harry Randall (1857 - 1932)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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