SAMUEL DUFF
 
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My father always used to say you ought to wear a shine
To show the people what you're paid and what's your proper line
So upon me face I wear this little bit of fur
Because I am a sideboard manufacturer
When they see me sideboards when I'm walking out
Dogs begin to bark and people all begin to shout,

Samuel Duff, with your little bit of fluff
You're like a sandwich Samuel
Your face looks just like a little bit of ham
Right in the middle of your sideboards, Sam
Samuel Duff, you're no muff
The people know you're wide
Oh it's not your curls that tickle all the girls
It's the little bits of hair each side
It's the little bits of hair each side
It's the little bits of hair each side
Oh it's not your curls that tickle all the girls
Little bits of hair each side

The butchers like to see me walking up and down the street
Because I whacks the flies away from off their bits of meat
All around our way the people start to give me hints
There's not a window cleaner seen there ever since
When the people see me walk along each day
Cleaning all the windows with me whiskers, they all say

Now once around our neighbourhood a little circus came
The bearded lady with it had to run away for shame
Her hair it started sizzling and I began to grin
She was like a hedgehog round about the chin
People started screaming Sammy you are hot
When I said to her I bet I've got the finest lot.
 
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Performed by Harry Champion (1865-1942)
 
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