THE SANITARY INSPECTOR
 
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Sanitary Inspector am I sirs,
Richard Septimus Nosey by name
And at finding out frauds I am spry sirs
And I'm not quite a stranger to fame
By the Bumbledon Vestry appointed,
On my mission I stealthily go
And I find out when beer's been annointed
And when water is in the milko
On the constant supply I'm a terror
And the butterman's fraudulent gain
And I'm reckoned a champion, no error,
When I shove my nose into a drain

Chorus: I'm a Sanitary Inspector
Food detector, booze collector
Try to best me if you can
I'm a chary, wary sanitary man.


I am down on the fruit without warning,
Yes, on them I'm the sharpest of tecs.
At the greengrocers many a morning
I inspect many bushels of specks
At me all coffee shop keepers mutter
For I pull 'em up awfully quick
If they don't put best two shilling butter
On each ha'penny doorstep so thick
In the pubs I am constantly popping
To see if the spirits are queer
From one pub to the other I'm hopping
And all day I am sampling beer

Chorus:

With the builders I'm terrible - very
And all manner of faults I can find
I condemn all their houses as 'Jerry'
If they don't touch my dook'let behind
I'm a scorcher on bad tea and coffee
And on tasting the sugar I'm thick
And I've even gone sampling toffee
Till it made me feel awfully sick
I go through all the rooms of my neighbours
Overcrowding I quickly find out
Not a moment I rest from my labours
For I'm constantly popping about.

Chorus:
 
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Written and composed by E.W. Rogers -1894
Performed by James Fawn (1850-1923)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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