SEASIDE WALKS
 
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When Clarence, once a year, goes out strolling on the pier
What makes him so attractive to the ladies far and near?
You may think it's his smile, or his eighteen-penny tile
Or his pair of flannel - how d'yer do's, that kill at half a mile
But there you're absolutely wrong - you take the tip from me
What is it makes dear Clarence such a fav'rite by the sea?

Chorus 1: It's his seaside walk - that fascinating seaside walk
All the girls, as they pass by, blush and sigh - 'Oh fie, fie'
With each maid he'll pause and have a moments talk
And if two small ports he's had -
Then you'll see some dirty work by gad
When Clarence does the seaside walk.


Chorus 2: It's his seaside walk - that fascinating seaside walk
All the girls, as they pass by, blush and sigh - 'Oh fie, fie'
With each maid he'll pause and have a moments talk
And if he's had shrimps for tea - he's the bad boy of the family
When Clarence does the seaside walk.


There's Phyllis, such a peach, round her figure you can't reach
Well, once around her dainty waist, and twice around the beach
She's forty, fat and fair, comes out here (bust) and goes in there (waist)
And she cries 'Oh stop it Horace' if a man at her should stare
She thinks that it's her beauty that the boys are staring at
But what attracts those Johnnies, you can bet your Sunday hat

Chorus 1: Is her seaside walk - her 'Lockhart's Elephantine' walk
When she strolls too near the dock, with the shock - vessels rock
She's so coy - And if a darling Claud to her should talk
She says, 'Oh, you are a one - buy me ices dear, I'm full of fun.'
When Phyllis does the seaside walk.


Chorus 2: Is her seaside walk - her 'Lockhart's Elephantine' walk
When she strolls too near the dock, with the shock - vessels rock
She's so coy - And if a darling Claud to her should talk
She says, 'Buy me whelks for tea -
And I don't care what becomes of me'
When Phyllis does the seaside walk.


John 'Erbert, once ayear, sails away from Wigan pier
And takes the wife to Douglas - aye by gum, it's champion there!
Says he, 'I've saved some brass, so we'll have a spree owd lass
And don't forget thi' manners, and they're sure to think we're class.'
They both put on their Sunday best, they look dressed up to Dick
But all the same it's not the swagger clothes that do the trick.

Chorus 1: It's that seaside walk, that dashing 'Wigan' seaside walk
He puffs at a big cigar, says, 'Ha Ha! where's our car?'
He's quite 'class' till Maggie Ann joins in the talk
And says, 'Hold thi' head up, lad - or
Tha'll spill some of that beer tha's had.'
When 'Erbert does the seaside walk.


Chorus 2: It's that seaside walk, that dashing 'Wigan' seaside walk
He puffs at a big cigar, says, 'Ha Ha! where's our car?'
He's quite 'class' till Maggie Ann joins in the talk
And says, 'John come home wi' me
That young woman's got her eye on thee.'
When 'Erbert does the seaside walk.
 
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Performed by Vesta Tilley (1864-1952)
 
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