A SECOND-HAND ARISTOCRAT
 
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No doubt you all recognise me by the pictures
You've seen in the papers about
It's not me, you know, it's these clothes that I'm wearing
That you've often seen, there's no doubt
I'm well known at all the big houses up West
And I often call, you must know
The valets supply me with worn out attire
When round to the back door I go
I'm all the big swells rolled into one
Just listen and hear how it's done.

Refrain: This coat, I wear, belonged I declare
To Joe Chamberlain once on a time
The great Duke of Devonshire's pants I've got on
And Lord Raspberry's suit suits me prime
These gloves were worn by the Marquis of Lorne
And I'm wearing Lord Balfour's old hat
And I'm smoking a 'topper' of Rothchild's cigar
I'm a second-hand aristocrat.


Now, I've learned a laugh off Lord Sanger's hyena
And I drink Lord Bass's four ale
While this lovely waistcoat that dazzles your eyesight
I pinched at Lord Anglesey's sale
In one of Prince Rangi's old cricket suits once
I mouched round the Duke of York's schools
And got a thick ear off of Lord Kitchener
Under Marquis of Queensbury's rules
And this yellow mud on my suit
Came off a nobleman's boot.

Refrain: This fur you'll note I wear on my coat
It's whiskers cut off of the Czar
I've got a flute of the Duke of Fife's and
Two second-hand wives of the Shah
This gay old sport was presented at court
And I got seven days just for that
They found me asleep in the Prince of Wales' Arms
I'm a second-hand aristocrat.


I once had a turn at Viscount Hinton's organ
I've lived in Lord Rowton's hotels
I do up my cuffs with Lord Salisbury's golf links
I won't speak to lots of big swells
I've had my arms tattooed with Indian ink
So now I've blue blood in my veins
And my friends declare with my second-hand clothes
I only want second-hand brains
They think I'm Lord Lummy, they do
'Lord Lummy' they say, 'Is that you?'

Refrain: These feet of mine were washed in the brine
When Lord Beresford came sailing by
I've been to Sir Thomas Lipton's for tea
With Joe Chamberlain's glass in my eye
This diamond here came off his chandelier
I've a kitten from Earl Dudley's cat
And as I caught the measles off Lord Durham's dog
I'm a second-hand aristocrat.
 
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Written and composed by E. J. Hillary, F. J. Barnes & R. P. Weston - 1906
Performed by Harry Bedford (1873-1939)
 
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