SEND FOR A POLICEMAN
 
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(Move on there, please. Pass along. Get off there)

If it wasn't for the police, though we may be slow
What would you do, I'd like to know
What in the world would you all look like
If the cops all took it in their heads to strike
Some people laugh at the police but still their equals you won't find
When ever anybody gets in any sort of trouble
Well, the first thing in their mind.

Send for a policeman. Send for a policeman. Best thing you can do
When there's anything wrong with you, he'll pull you through
Lor', there's no man like a cop. Set your mind at peace
Ladies, if your hubby doesn't treat you as he should do, send for the police.

(Pass along, please, pass along. Move on.)
Once I tried to join the army a few years back
I made a bloomer and got the sack
One of the questions they put to me
Was, if only the sentinel you had to be
What would you do when the enemy came
say a hundred thousand men?
I said, 'Well, I should ask them for their names and addresses
And if they were saucy then.

Send for a policeman. Send for a policeman. Best thing you can do
When there's anything wrong with you, he'll pull you through
Lor', there's no man like a cop. Set your mind at peace
What's a going to happen when the enemy invades us, send for the police
(Hi young lady there, Pop off, will you. Let me find you on my beat again)
Once a lady came to me, and spoke quite nice
Said, 'Will you give me your advice?'
We've got a servant - a good one too
But she will have followers and that won't do
Soldiers, sailors, folks galore, there's one there every night
I am sure that you can tell me how to frighten them away'
I replied 'Mum, that's all right.'

Send for a policeman. Send for a policeman. Best thing you can do
When there's anything wrong with you, he'll pull you through
Lor', there's no man like a cop. Set your mind at peace___
Leave her in the kitchen with a little drop of tiddley, send for the police

I had never seen a play till the other night
That was a drama, and seemed all right
Actors and actresses all looked fine
But the one I fancied was the heroine
Once she came on and said 'I'm undone!'
In a tone of great alarm
I thought it was a button or a string had given way
And so I said, 'My dear, keep calm!

Send for a policeman. Send for a policeman. Best thing you can do
When there's anything wrong with you, he'll pull you through
Lor', there's no man like a cop. Set your mind at peace
Nobody so handy when a lady wants attention, so send for the police.'

My old woman woke me up from my sleep last night
Whispered to me in a tone of fright
'Don't make a noise! put your trousers on
There's a burglar busy in the parlour, John.
I said to her, 'Well, you have got sauce,
Or have you gone mad somehow?
I wouldn't leave my little bed to bother with a burglar
'Cos I'm not on duty now.

Send for a policeman. Send for a policeman. Best thing you can do
When there's anything wrong with you, he'll pull you through
Lor', there's no man like a cop. Set your mind at peace
Go and tell the burglar if he doesn't run away soon,
I'll send for the police.'
 
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Written and composed by Fred Liegh
Performed by George Lashwood (1863-1942)
 
More George Lashwood
 
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