There has been a deal of bother about comic songs of late
And some insist the rudeness of these ditties has been great
That they're naughty and immodest, but I never hear them say
One word about the morals of a sentimental lay
If those rhymes have double meanings, as many folks contend
Let me see, now, if the serious ones in that way ne'er offend
I sometimes think they do, and so to me the task belongs
To show the impropriety of sentimental songs.

'Come where my love lies dreaming', we heard a singer sing
Now, did you ever hear of such a deeply dangerous thing?
To take a crowd of people where his darling doth repose
Why, what would be the consequence? Well, goodness only knows
Unless that they were married, I'm sure this stupid elf
Had no good right or reason to see her sleep himself
But to invite to her slumbers strangers - and in throng
Plainly shows the morals of this sentimental song.

Another sings 'My Pretty Jane' Oh! never look so shy
But meet me in the evening, when the Bloom is on the Rye.
But why meet her in the evening, and not the afternoon?
I suppose he thought the twilight the better time to spoon
Then, as to looking shy, why, I should like to be told
Whether he expects a bashful maiden to look bold
About the invitation, I'm afraid there's something wrong
And Jane should take no notice of this sentimental song.

'Meet me by moonlight', all alone, is another strange appeal
And artfully 'tis hinted he has something to reveal
Why should she meet him, then, alone? If he's an honest lover
He'd not object to see her there, accompanied by her mother
And there's actually a ballard, where the young man has to say
Unto his simple sweetheart, 'Stay with me, my darling, stay'
It's time enough for her to stay when to him she belongs
Yet they never think of these things in these sentimental songs.

At a party 'tother evening, I declare I turned quite red
When a tall young lady warbled, 'Put me in my little bed'
I don't suppose she meant it, but, then, 'tween me and you
What an envious occupation for a married man to do
Then another nice young creature looked at me and sang
'Little sweetheart, come and kiss me', so to her side I sprang
But her lover, sitting near me, attacked me with the tongs
Which shows what sometimes happens through these sentimental songs

So now, I think you'll pity the Comic Singers' wrongs
For I've shown you there's more harm in so-called sentimental songs.
Written, composed and performed by Fred Albert (1844-1886)
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