SERVANTS
 
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May I give my views on servants? Yes, and I've engaged a few
My experience is funny, I expect the same as you
I remember that I advertised when I started married life
For a servant and one soon arrived to interview the wife
My wife said, 'Where's your character? I must see that you know'
The girl remarked, 'Why 'tis at home. I'll easy get it though'
About an hour elapsed before the girl came back again
She seemed to be excited and then started in this strain,

'I 'aven't brought no character,'
She said and looked so cunning
'But I've heard yours from the gal next door
And I tell yer I ain't coming!'

Next on the list a country girl, we sent her out one day
To get some bread, when she returned I heard the wife then say
'Did not the baker give you roll over with the bread?'
'Lor no, I watched, he didn't put his hands on me,' she said.
I remember calling on a friend who lived upon a farm
His cows, his pig and fowls possessed to him a magic charm
I asked the servant at the door if Mister Brown was in
'He's not at home, he's on the farm,' she answered with a grin

'I think he's feeding up the ducks
For Christmas putting fat on
Or else he's down amongst the pigs.
You'll know him, he's got his hat on!'

Once I told our maid that visitors should always give a card
Soon after this a friend arrived, the girl was on her guard
As our visitor was walking in, these words upon us burst
'If yer wants to see my missis I must 'ave yer ticket first.'
With servants now I think I'll end with just one story more
My handyman I met one night outside the garden door
He had a lantern in his hand. 'Why, what's that for?' I cried
'I've been courting my fiancee,' said the man. So I replied

'Why I never used a lantern John'
Said he, 'Ah, that was bad sir
For when I saw the missis' face
I didn't think you had, sir.'
 
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Performed by Willie Rouse (1877-1928)
 
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