SERVING 'EM ALL ALIKE
 
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I got a job not a week ago,
To serve in a doctor's shop,
There's only one medicine in the place,
and it's warranted, every drop.
If a fellow comes in with a broken leg,
Or the 'Flipperty-Flopperty-Floop',
I mix him a dose of the very same stuff,
As I give to a kid with the croup. Well...

Chorus: I'm serving 'em all alike, serving 'em all alike,
Mixing the poisons together, you see,
Giving 'em all such a lux0u-ry,
Every time I'm giving 'em all the spike,
Makin 'em hop out of the shop,
Serving 'em all alike!

I've got a girl, well I reckon I've got,
From twenty to forty four,
And every time I go out in the street,
I'm looking about for more.
I tell 'em a beautiful tale, you know,
Well, talk about being a jew.
I ask for a kiss and then what do you think?
I borrow a shilling or two. Well...

Chorus: I'm serving 'em all alike, serving 'em all alike,
Tell 'em to meet me and bring some 'oof',
Talk about playing a game at spoof
Every time I'm giving 'em all the spike,
Doing the biz, with Maudie and Liz,
Serving 'em all alike!

My missus told me she wouldn't sit down
To make any more childrens clothes,
To put on the backs of the youngsters, well,
I thought to myself, 'Here goes!
They can't go to school it's a certainty,
With nothing upon their.'
So I got little Jim and I paint-ed him,
With a bottle of Brunswick Black, and

Chorus: I'm serving 'em all alike, serving 'em all alike,
I reckon, you know, I can save some quids,
Making 'em look like Zulu kids.
Every time I'm giving 'em all the spike,
Dabbing it on, Polly and John,
Serving 'em all alike!

Now, every day at my street door,
There's any amount of knocks,
The butcher, the baker and every-one,
Wants money but bless my socks!
I've invented a splendid idea, you see,
For whenever I open the door,
A seventy pound sledge-hammer tumbles out
And catches 'em under the jaw. Well...

Chorus: I'm serving 'em all alike, serving 'em all alike,
Before they've got time to say, Mr. Drew',
They're picking their teeth up and noses too.
Every time I'm giving 'em all the spike,
Making 'em shout, flooping 'em out,
Serving 'em all alike.

 
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Written and composed by Harry Wincott & Harry Castling - 1897
Performed by Tom Leamore (1866-1939)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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