SHE'S CHANGED MY BOOTS FOR A SET OF JUGS
 
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'What is it?' and 'Where has it sprung from?'
Is what I can hear you all say
You're asking I see what thing it can be?
And why it is dressed in this way?
I'm what you may call a conundrum
And guess me it seems no one can
And you will p'r'aps doubt that when I'm found out
I'm what the world's christened a man.

Chorus: She's changed my boots for a set of jugs
She's changed by coat for a mat
For a clock that's wrong the whole day long
She's changed my new masher hat
She's chopped away my new waistcoat too
For a pair of paper frames
And all I've got is a mustard pot in place of my what's-o-names

The wife went out yesterday morning to buy me another 'rig out'
But, since then, as yet, with her I've not met
Some friend has detained her no doubt
But leaving me in this condition so long you will own is unkind
For her I would go in search, don't you know
But, somehow I don't feel inclined

Chorus:

I've only had two bits of candle to feed on since Jane left the house
I feel I could eat the forks and I would greet a drink like a cat would a mouse
If soon I don't meet with the missus across to the pub I will shoot
In spite of what's said by Jem, Jack or Fred
And get a half pint in my boot (I mean jug)

Chorus:

 
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Performed by Harry Randall (1857-1932)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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