SHOW ME A TRAIN THAT GOES TO LONDON
 
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A cockney boy once full of joy,
Went off on a trip up North,
For a week or two to stay,
Somewhere up Lancashire way.
But he soon yearned for his dear old town,
For the lights and the noise he sighed,
So he rushed with agitation
Towards the railway station,
And to the porters he cried,

Chorus: "Show me a train that goes to London,
My little village on the Thames!
Show me a train that will put me down.
Anywhere near Camden Town.
When I get there, I'll never leave it,
I'll give you my word!
Show me a train that goes to London,
And I'm on it like a bird!"

Old 'Burglar Ben' was free again,
In Dartmoor he'd been ten years,
And he rushed just like a deer
Straight to a railway just near.
The folks all thought he was raving mad,
For his smile was most sublime.
Fast expresses he was racing,
And railway guards was chasing
While he yelled out all the time,

Chorus:

A London lad had struck it bad,
There he was dead, dead broke,
Hadn't found a winning horse,
All day on Doncaster course.
He looked like having to walk it home
Till he met a pal and sighed,
"I don't care if it's snowing,
Beneath the seat I'm going,
Oh! do take pity!" he cried.

Chorus:

Young Irving Tree thought he would be,
A famous tragedian star.
Up in town he'd been the rage,
Always a hit on the stage.
Till one day he up to Scotland went,
And appeared before a crowd.
They boo'd him and they hissed him,
With eggs they never missed him,
Until he shouted aloud,

Chorus:

 
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Written and composed by C.W. Murphy - 1913
Performed by Gus Harris
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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