SHOWING AUNT MATILDA ROUND THE TOWN
 
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Aunt Matilda came to town, only a week ago
She'd ne'er been there before; at the sights she cried 'Oh lor!'
She requested me the points of interest to show
As she found the oof, I couldn't very well say no
Regent Street and Oxford Street I showed you can bet
Told her every lady was a Countess that we met
Down the Strand the girls she eyed, said 'Who are they?' so quick
'Daughters of our clergymen' I answered in a tick
She said, 'To what church do they go?'
I said, 'St Jimjams, Pimlico.

Chorus: I've been showing my Aunt Matilda round the town
Taking her down the Strand you know
Pointing her out the beauty show
Come with me on the spree
Sorrow and care we'll drown
For Aunt has given me fifty pounds
For showing her round the town.


In Trafalgar's Square my Aunt noticed the fountain there
I said, 'Yes, the ladies gay come to bathe here every day'
She felt thirsty, so to a temperance bar said we'd repair
So I took her to the Cri., and she did stare
She said, 'Moet? What’s that?' I said, 'Sort of ginger beer'
'What? Ten shillings! Well it's rather nice, but ain't it rather dear?'
At the Empire Ballet girls she peeped, and said 'How rude!'
Till I told her they were fairies, and they'd just come from the wood
I said, 'They're angels without wings'
She said, 'I've heard about such things.'

Chorus:

Aunt Matilda drank so much of Moet's ginger beer
While up in the town she stayed, that at last the poor old maid
In her poor cranium began to feel so queer
I said, 'It's the air, Aunt, it's so strong up here'
Back she went to Lincolnshire, as by the train I stood
Aunt said, 'Bert, here's fifty pounds, because you've been so good
In the missionary box I know, you'll put the lot'
As I thanked her, to myself I whispered, 'Yes, perhaps not'
To all the boys I've shown the bright
And I am on the spree tonight.

Chorus:
 
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Performed by Vesta Tilley (1864-1952)
 
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