SINCE I FURNISHED ON THE HIRE PURCHASE PLAN
 
div
 
I recently got married and my friends at once all said,
That my troubles would commence the very moment I got wed,
That in jest true words are spoken, I've discovered to my dread,
As I furnished on the Hire Instalment Plan.
I'm not a Pierpont Morgan, not by any means at all,
But I'll keep all my instalments up whatever may befall,
Though I cannot keep a chair up lest it's propped against the wall,
Since I furnished on the Hire Instalment Plan.

The chairs are very 'comfy'– if not sat upon we find,
But though they've lost the two front legs they still have two behind,
And like the shopmen – 'let us down'in manner most unkind,
Since I bought them on the Hire Instalment Plan.
We'd a very handsome sideboard – 6 ft high and 4 ft wide,
We know that it's a sideboard, 'cause the board come through the side,
But to get the biscuits out that I put in, we've often tried,
Since I furnished on the Hire Instalment Plan.

I had a few friends round last week, some very decent chaps,
I thought my married bliss would make them envious perhaps,
Of course I didn't know the dining table would collapse
When I bought it on the Hire Instalment Plan.
We all of us got covered up with lots of food and drink
And on new clothes and crockery I spent fifteen pounds, I think,
But the awkward part about it is we now eat off the sink,
Which wasn't on the Hire Instalment Plan.

We'd a very nice piano, now there's trouble over that,
Though we thought it was a good one for the price we bought it at,
But if you want to heay A sharp, you have to strike B flat,
Since we bought it on the Hire Instalment Plan.
The clock that's standing in the hall's a mystery to me,
For when it shows it's 10.15 it's 25 to 3.
And yesterday it struck 18 and burst itself with glee!
And we bought it on the Hire Instalment Plan.

It's really very awkward, on retiring to repose,
For the mattress is too heavy for the bedstead, I suppose,
And we have to use the bath-room when we want a 'comfy'doze,
Since we furnished on the Hire Instalment Plan.
The bedroom suite looked lovely when we saw it in the shop,
But the wardrobe doors are closed, and closed they mean to stop
And we have to get our things out through a hole that's in the top,
Since we furnished on the Hire Instalment Plan.

My uncle – very wealthy – called a day or two ago,
He always quotes the motto, 'Never borrow, never owe,'
I'm his sole surviving nephew, and I didn't let him know,
That I furnished on the Hire Instalment Plan.
But a climax came upon us at a most impressive stage,
As his good opinion of me I was trying to engage,
When the parrot, as the bottom came unsoldered from his cage,
Cried, 'Hang this blessed Hire Instalment Plan!'
 
div
 
Written and composed by Graham Squiers & Randall Walters - 1911
Performed by Cooper Mitchell
 
div
 
 
home spaceA spaceB spaceC spaceD spaceE spaceF spaceG spaceH spaceI spaceJ spaceK spaceL spaceM spaceN spaceO spaceP spaceQ spaceR spaceS spaceT spaceU spaceV spaceW spaceX spaceY spaceZ