SOMETHING I SHALL NEVER SEE AGAIN
 
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When I first came upon this earth, with my two eyes I saw,
Something I shall never see again;
And ever since that fateful day, I've noticed many score
Of things I shall never see again.
I'm an energetic rascal you can twig, without a dobt,
Though of my great abilities I've no desire to spout,
Still, I've nearly lost my eyesight once or twice thro' looking out
For something I shall never see again.

Chorus: Something I shall never see again;
Something that would give me endless pain.
Thoughts of drink I never shirk,
And I hope and trust that work,
Is something I shall never see again.

Whilst marching up the Strand one night, I happened just to spot
Something I shall never see again,
My little heart went inside out, and I went off my dot
At something I shall never see again.
There just about a yard from me, lay sixpence on the ground,
I picked it up and bit it hard to see if it was sound,
Then rushing into 'Harris's' I said, 'Let's have a pound
Of something I shall never see again.'

Chorus: Something I shall never see again,
I ate and ate until I groaned with pain;
As the last one went down here (biz.)
It whispered in my ear,
'I am something you will never see again.'

I once went down to Margate for a rest and change of air,
Something I shall never see again;
While strolling on the beach I spotted something bathing there,
Something I shall never see again.
She'd golden hair, two dainty feet, and eyes like Reckitt's blue,
Enraptured I stood gazing, hardly knowing what to do,
And when she plunged into the sea I took a final view
Of something I shall never see again.

Chorus: Something I shall never see again,
I've tried hard to forget it, but in vain
As she plunged into the sea
I said, 'Oh! dearie me,
That's something I shall never see again.'

Extra Verses:

My poor old uncle Billy was this ev'ning weeping for,
Something he will never see again,
He said, ''Scuse my tears, I've lately said good-bye for evermore,
To something I shall never see again.'
Truth to tell he's lately grown so fat with all he has to eat
That his twenty stone of om pom pom sticks out a perfect treat,
And he's very much afraid that his two pretty little feet
Are something he will never see again.

Chorus: Something he will never see again,
He tries hard to forget it, but in vain;
Though his neck he forward screws,
Yet his number eighteen shoes
Are something he will never see again.

We had a pretty slavey, quite a beauty, dressed in pink,
Something I shall never see again;
And I'm only speaking truth when I inform you that her wink
Was something I shall never see again.
She was talking on my knee one night, the wife came in! one grab
And in the grate she threw me, like a spifflicated crab,
The girl, well, in two ticks with all her boxes in a cab,
Was something I shall never see again.

Chorus: Something I shall never see again,
I try hard to forget it, but in vain;
And my wife since then, I own,
Says a servant girl alone
Is something I shall never see again.

Our tabby cat's in mourning, for she's found her kittens are
Something she will never see again.
In the wash-tub she discovered them and showed them to their pa,
Something he will never see again.
For he lifted up his voice and wept, our teeth on edge he set,
And a brickbat hurtled through the air ere he away could get,
'Twas his first sight of a brickbat, but I'll safely make a bet
It was something that he'll never see again.

Chorus: Something he will never see again,
He tried hard to forget it, but in vain,
For it caught his chump, I ween,
And his country, home and Queen,
Are something he will never see again.

 
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Written and composed by George Maurice & E.W. Rogers - 1900
Performed by Arthur W. Rigby (1865 - 1944)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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