THE SPELLING BEE
 
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I have no doubt you've heard about that institution grand,
Which latelt has imported been from famous Yankee Land;
How boys and girls and grown-up folks together they agree,
To sit assembled, in a class and form a Spelling Bee,
To show off their orthography, each one keenly tries
And those who spell the hardest word, they win the contest prize,
So if you will be kind enough to listen unto me,
I'll sing you my experience, at a recent Spelling Bee.

SPOKEN - They all commence to spell something after this fashion...

Chorus: S. P. likewise E. then comes double L. I. N. G.
A capital B. with double E. and that's how they spell at the Spelling Bee.

The first word we were asked to spell, a simple one, of course,
And each one thought to triumph with a common word like horse,
But one young swell he tried to spell the word O, R, S, E,
He dropped his H, so we dropped him soon, out of the Spelling Bee,
Mistakes like that soon quickly rose all along the row,
Especially when a lady was requested to spell 'dough',
She told the questioner while T, O, U, G, H, spelt 'tough'
That she was very sure that D, O, U, G, H, spelt 'duff'.

Chorus:

They spelt for William, B, I, L, and T,R,O,T, - Run,
Physic - F, I, Z, I, K, and P, H, U, N, Fun,
Geography confused them all, tho' one did vainly try,
With double G, double E, - H, O, G, R, A, double F, Y.
Then cauliflower a poser proved, they missed the mark by far,
With C, O, double L, E, double Y, - P, H, L, O, U, R,
E, C, K, S, with H, A, G, and E, R, A, T, E,
They thought would spell 'Exaggerate' at this famous Spelling Bee.

Chorus:

P, I, G, was spelt for Pork and B, U, double L. - Beef,
C, H, A, T, was meant for talk and C, R, Y, for grief;
L, O, V, E, it stood for nice, all rules they did defy,
Police, P, double E, L, E, R, and B, O, double B, Y,
Of course we could not understand such spelling, very strange,
The vowels and the cononants all seemed to be deranged,
And I thought it time to take my hat and leave the Spelling Bee,
When 'Comic Song' was spelt quite wrong, thus, D, I, R, G, E.

Chorus:
 
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Written composed and performed by Fred Albert (1844-1886)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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