THE SQUIRE
(or Far From The Maddening Crowd)
 
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Squire Skeekem was a male, and he had been so from his birth
But only had two legs with which to walk about this earth
His nose was just between his eyes, his mouth was underneath
'Twas called a cut because in that he used to cut his teeth
But London noise destroyed his soul remaining 'piece' of mind
So he said, 'A nice retirement spot I'll do my best to find.'

Chorus: Said the Squire, 'It's quiet I know
And it's not that I'm any way proud
But I'll out of the hurly-burly go
Far from the maddening crowd


'Twas found, and village workmen were engaged to do repairs
But the joiner left his glue-pot in the middle of the stairs
The plumber caused the pipes to leak, the simple minded clown
And the paper-hanger pasted all his paper upside down
The locksmith scratched and chipped about a nice mahog'ny door
The glazier put one window in and fractured three or four
Their hobnailed boots completely cut the carpet all to bits
And their agricultural faces frightened all the birds in fits.

Chorus:

He loved the scent of roses and the clover's sweet perfume
And thought that in inhaling these his morning's he'd consume
He started o're the fields but from the ditches there arose
Such...well he couldn't hold his tongue but he had to hold his nose
He lost his way and asked a rustic what part he was in
The rustic merely scratched his head and gave a vacant grin
He only knowed his name be Giles, and how to build a rick
And squire's house up yon be let to a London lunatic.

Chorus:

The old maids called upon him, and would talk of wedding rings
Old maids, you know, above all others are such forward things
At first by their attentions Squire Skeekem was amused
But when he bade them all 'begone' they steadfastly refused
Then insubordination seemed to govern all around
The flowers refused to poke their heads above the barren ground
And audacious little bantams stood up straight upon their legs
Well cock-a-doodle-dood and then refused to lay their eggs.

Chorus: Said the Squire, 'It's quiet I know
And it's not that I'm any way proud
But for comfort I shouldn't advise you to go
Too far from the maddening crowd.
 
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Performed by Charles Godfrey (1851-1900)
 
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