Some people in this world are full of luck I must admit
I've got a little brother Tommy Day
No matter where he goes he always finds a lot of things
And where he finds them all is hard to say
He found a diamond ring the other week
He wouldn't tell us where he got it from
He'd been on the 'cop'. He'd found it in a shop
Yesterday a 'slop' found him.

I know a man who's very much in trouble with his feet
They often give him pain and make him sigh
Said he to me the other day, 'Now what'll do 'em good?'
He asked me if I'd tell him what to try
I said to him, 'Now tell me what you've tried?'
Said he, 'I've tried a dozen things or more'
Said I, 'You're telling bosh, have you ever tried a wash?'
Said he, 'I never thought of that before.'

When people get in trouble they go clean bang off their heads
Before the beak they get into a stew
Suppose you do a murder and they put you into jail
Just listen and I'll tell you what to do
Suppose you get a sentence very hard
And if it's fourteen years don't rave and shout
Don't you have any fears, when you've done seven years
Just do seven more and then come out.
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