THE STORY OF A KISS
 
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The girl I adore is a charmer divine
(You've heard that before, so the phrase isn't mine)
More fit words to picture her I can't design
True love in her eyes is reflected
She lives with her parents, stern, steady and staid
And one scraggy sister, a crusty old maid
I asked for a kiss when my court I first paid
But crumbs, how her family objected.

Chorus: Her father, quite mad, said,
"You kiss her lad, tell me why, why, why?
Her Ma, like a saint, cried, "Oh my, my, my."
Her sister said, "Sir, you can never kiss her
Really , fie, fie, fie."
But my own little dove, looked unspeakable love
And said, "Try, try, try."

I couldn't imagine how people of sense
Could ever exhibit such ignorance dense
So said, "Lovers kiss when they courting commence
The custom is old and respected."
But loudly they all vowed by that and by this
'Twas wrong - and that rude were both I and the Miss
Quoth I, "There's no harm, and I will have a kiss."
But once more her family objected.

Chorus: Her father, amazed, said, "I fancy you're crazed
You'll kiss who, who, who?"
Her Ma rolled her eyes and in tones of surprise
Muttered, "You, you, you."
I said, "Love a kiss," but her elderly 'sis'
Murmured, "Pooh, pooh, pooh."
While the maiden divine held her lips up to mine
And said, "Do, do, do."

Well, flesh and blood couldn't stand much more of that
And, thought I, to stand it I must be a flat
The trio like Quakers in dead silence sat
So I - (By the three unsuspected)
Stole up to the girl, for of pluck I've no lack
With arm round her waist, I commenced the attack
Then planted a kiss on her lips - such a smack
Well, then how her family objected.

Chorus: Her pa couldn't speak - he was stunned by my cheek
And looked glum, glum, glum
Her Mother in tones that were like breaking stones
Said, "Rum, rum, rum."
Her elderly 'sis' shook her finger like this
And said, "Come, come, come."
But the maiden to me smacked her lips with glee
And said, "Yum, yum, yum."
 
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Written and composed by Wal Pink & George Le Brunn - 1892
Performed by Charles Godfrey (1851-1900)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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