SUCH A LOOK
 
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If looks could but kill us, as some people say
Then the streets would be strewn with our dead
There's the look on your face when the favourite wins
There's the look when the bookie has fled
There's a look in the eye of old Jones on the job
Which tells you he's come to touch you for five bob.

Refrain: T'other night when I was wending my way from the club
Quite at peace with all things in the world
I arrived on my doorstep and felt for the key
But the key-hole did jazz steps as whirled
A voice from above said, 'You tankard, you sink.'
'Twas the wife and with temper she shook
'You can sleep in the kennel, you can't come up here.'
And she gave me such a look.

I tarried a while with a maiden one day. Ye Gods, what a figure she had
We spoke of Charles Garvice while sipping hot tea
And she gave me the eye that was glad
Said she, 'Men are noble and brave it is true
Should I need a champion could I trust in you?'

Refrain: 'Now supposing one night when alone in my room
I was sleeping and suddenly woke
And found that some burglars were after my jewels
And threatened to shoot if I spoke
Then If I thought of you and shrieked loudly for help
Would you dash up and bring the premoke
Would you chase them away and look after me, ay?'
I gave her such a look.

I'm fond of athletics, I athlet quite a lot
I golf and I crick and I boat
At least I was keen on boating until
The first time that I went afloat
The boatman insisted on coming with me
I then found what dangers one meets on the sea.

Refrain: At first the sensation was ripping top hole
Then the sensation changed a good deal
A sort of a kind of an up and then down
Three times I encored my last meal
The boatman said, 'Scuse me, it's time for my lunch
Of my feelings no notice he took
Then the brute started eating, that did it, fat pork
I gave him such a look.

 
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Performed by George Robey (1869-1954)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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