TARZAN OF THE APES
 
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They say everyone, everyone on this Earth,
Possesses a double somewhere,
Somebody like them in nature and feature,
Someone with the same kind of hair.
It seems very strange but it's known through our race,
Just for example, well take my own case.

Chorus: Everyone calls me Tarzan, Tarzan of the apes,
It's all through my wonderful figure, don't snigger
His figure is big but my figure's bigger
The flappers all flock around me,
When I feed them bananas and grapes,
Everyone calls me Tarzan, Tarzan of the apes.

I'm so much like Tarzan, we're so much alike,
No matter were ever I may be.
All of the people, they're certain I'm Tarzan,
And Tarzan himself, heard of me.
He's so much afraid that he's keeping in trim,
For fear that this wife should mistake me for him.

Chorus: Everyone calls me Tarzan, Tarzan of the apes,
It's all through my wonderful figure, don't snigger
His figure is big but my figure's bigger
The flappers all flock around me,
When I feed them bananas and grapes,
Everyone calls me Tarzan, Tarzan of the apes.

 
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Performed by Ernie Mayne (1871-1937)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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