THAT WAS A BLOOMER
 
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The quickness of the hand deceives the eye, we're often told
And I've proved the fact to be no idle rumour
If you believe all that you see you fall into a net
Then - to use a sporting phrase - you're on a bloomer
While riding through a tunnel with my aunt and cousin Jack
'Pray may I hold your little hand?' he said
My place I changed with auntie in the dark, you understand
So he was kissing good old auntie's hand instead.

Chorus: That was a bloomer enough to make you laugh
A bloomer upon my word, not half
And when we'd left the tunnel and were going into the light
Cousin Johnny murmured in a tone, well, not polite
'That was a Bloomer - a Bloomer.'


Our neighbour Mr Griggs has had another slice of luck
His wife has just presented him with three boys
And proud, why he's just as proud as if he'd had a fortune left
And on Sunday takes them out just after tea, boys
He gave them all an airing on last Sunday afternoon
Which made the neighbours laugh with hearty glee
He'd forgot to take the ticket off the blessed bassinette
Which read, 'This lot made in Germany.'

Chorus: That was a bloomer enough to make you laugh
A bloomer upon my word, not half
The bassinette was what the ticket meant, I'll bet some quids
'Twas rather awkward though the people thought he meant the kids
That was a Bloomer - a Bloomer.


One evening to a dance I went, and 'mongst the chappies there
Was one young man who nearly drove me crazy
He was made up strong as mustard from his patents to his hair
And really, well, he looked a perfect daisy
When bowing he would go so low, 'twas funny, on my word
And everybody thought that he was daft
And once he went to bow to me, and then we heard a -
Then Archibald began to feel a draught.

Chorus: That was a bloomer enough to make you laugh
A bloomer upon my word, not half
He stood out in the centre then, and with such a sloppy stare
The ladies they all tittered, and they said, 'Ah dear me
There you've made a Bloomer - another Bloomer.


My dressing room is situated in an awkward spot
So awful open, so I said to mother,
'The chaps can see my shadow on the blind,' so she replied
'Well you'd better change rooms with your little brother.'
We did, and on that evening he was dressing to go out
And just a few had gathered down below
'Oh there she is!' said one, 'Why, she's taking off her shirt.'
Then all the rest sent up a joyful, 'Oh.'

Chorus: That was a bloomer enough to make you laugh
A bloomer upon my word, not half
They were watching little brother Willie in their ecstacy
Having quite a pantomime thinking it was me
That was a Bloomer - a Bloomer.
 
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Written and composed by Harry Castling & George Le Brunn -1896
Performed by Marie Lloyd (1870-1922)
 
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