THAT'S HOW YOU PARLEZ VOUS
 
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Although entirely ignorant of French
Still I longed to visit Paris
So I sought assistance of a friend
Whom I call for, for rhyme's sake, Harris
Said he, 'I'll tell you what you ought to do
And the phrases that are used there.'
I followed his directions, and his interesting hints
But I think I must have got them all confused there
He chortled and chuckled, chock full of glee
As he rolled out the words I should use in Paris.

Chorus: 'Dansong - chansong - Parlez vous Francais? Oui
Tres bong - Continong - Pardong, M'sieu - Merci
Allong - salong - Comment vous portez vous?
When you go to Paris, that's how you parley-voo!'


The night that I arrived I went to dine
At a noted restaurong
But when I spoke the waiter gasped and glared
As though I were a native of Hong Kong
And when I ordered 'Fromage pomme-de-terre,'
They turned me out - a gendarme interposing
I bowed to him politely, and I said, 'Pardonnez moi
My wrongs unto your patient ear disclosing.'
Then I rolled out my French in a style bold and free
And the shock killed that gendarme dead as could be.

Chorus: 'Dansong - chansong - Parlez vous Francais? Oui
Tres bong - Restaurong - Pardong, M'sieu - Merci
Allong - salong - Comment vous portez vous?
If you want your dinner in Paris, that's how you parley-voo!'


At last I thought the best thing I could do
Was to wed a sweet 'Mam'selle'
And soon I was presented by my friends
To a most attractive damsel
Before we'd been acquainted half an hour
I knew my heart was hers for evermore
But I think I was mistaken in the language I declaimed
She laughed aloud - and I was shown the door
No more shall I chortle and chuckle with glee
Till the fiend I have found who these words taught me.

Chorus: 'Dansong - chansong - Parlez vous Francais? Oui
Tres bong - Continong - Pardong, M'sieu - Merci
Allong - salong - Comment vous portez vous?
If you want to make love in Paris, that's how you parley-voo!'
 
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Written, composed and performed by Arthur Roberts (1852-1933) - 1895
 
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