THERE AIN'T NO GITTIN' RID OF 'IM AT ALL
 
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My Missis 'as a farvver - 'e's a treat 'e is
'E's just abaht as fond o' work as me
At loafin' 'e is werry 'ard to beat, 'e is
'E's aht o' work an allus up a tree
Last year I arsked 'im dahn to stop a day or two
But take my tip, the beauty's wiv us still
'E'll eat an' drink at my expense till all is blue
An' leave us, well, 'e sez 'e never will.

Chorus: Till fings improve 'e's come to stay wiv us
If 'e'd try to find a job I wouldn't care
'E knows 'ow to look for work, 'e does
Wiv a pipe an' peuter, dozin' in a chair
'E wears my 'ats an' boots an' clothes
An' 'e grumbles 'cos they're small
It'll take a bloomin' earf-quake to shift 'im orf 'is perch
There ain't no gittin' rid of 'im at all.

The shag I smokes ain't good enough for pa-in-law
'E wants cigars, a 'undred for a quid
If grub don't take 'is fancy, you should 'ear 'im jaw
'E'd scorn a tasty kipper orf the grid
At boiled sheep's-'ead I've seed 'im turn 'is nose away
So 'elp me! soon we'll 'ave to git 'im lamb
An' talk abaht extravagance, the uvver day
I saw 'im eatin pickles wiv the jam.

Chorus: Till fings improve 'e's come to stay wiv us
If 'e'd try to find a job I wouldn't care
'E knows 'ow to look for work, 'e does
Wiv a pipe an' peuter, dozin' in a chair
One day we thought 'e'd broke 'is neck,
From the roof 'e 'ad a fall
But it must 'ave done 'im good, 'e's been eatin' ever since
There ain't no gittin' rid of 'im at all.

'E borrers all my money, so you can't expect
That I'll be pally wiv 'im, 'cos I ain't
'E keeps a dog wot makes you speak wiv great respect
'E teaches it to bite you if you don't
Last week I found 'im work, which made me jump for joy
A heasy job I didn't fink he'd shirk
'E didn't go, but wiv message sent a boy
'My son-in-law's too prahd to let me work.'

Chorus: Till fings improve 'e's come to stay wiv us
If 'e'd try to find a jb I wouldn't care
'E knows 'ow to look for work, 'e does
Wiv a pipe an' peuter, dozin' in a chair
'E blacked my eye, I got 'im pinched
But it makes you feel so small
When you 'ave to pay the fine, an' a cab to bring 'im 'ome
There ain't no gittin' rid of 'im at all.

 
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Written and composed by Harry B. Norris - 1896
Performed by Gus Elen (1862-1940)
 
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