THEREIN LURKS UNSEEN DANGER
 
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Ye gentle youth who visit town,
For the first time in your 'naturals'.
Take heed, I prithee, where thou stayest,
Above all, avoid all blithesome gals.
That flow'ry mead, 'The Strand', avoid,
For gad-zooks! it reeks of maiden fair.
Let prudence light your footsteps when
Thou meanderest round Leicester Square,
Avoid the lady if you can,
Who's the offspring of a clergyman.

Chorus: List! oh, list, to the one who knows,
Dear friend or gentle stranger!
Beware the Square of Leicest-u-are,
Therein lies unseen danger!

And if thou feedest up in town,
Have a care and shun 'boiled baby's head'
And from the sunburnt sausage flee,
Hydrophobia lurks therein, 'tis said.
Have just a por-ti-on of ox,
But if to a restaurant you roll,
And have ten courses for two-bob,
Then may heav'n have mercy on thy soul!
Stoop not to venison, or thou'lt sneeze;
Above all, dodge gorgonzola cheese.

Chorus: List! oh, list, to the one who knows,
Dear friend or gentle stranger!
Avoid the la- of gor-gon-zo,
Therein lies unseen danger!

Should at thou essay to back ye horse
At the Wood of Good, or Down of Sand,
Or Park of Kempton, friend, beware
Of the loud-voiced who on boxes stand.
And if thou winst, thy ticket hold
With a grip of steel, or else, perchance,
'Twill e'en be snatched by standers-by,
And thou for thy gains must look askance.
Avoid the 'bookie' friend, who hails
From the doubtful neighbourhood of Wales.

Chorus: List! oh, list, to the one who knows,
Dear friend or gentle stranger!
Beware the knave with thickened ear,
Therein lurks unseen danger!

And if at night it should befall
That thou, with the throng of Babylon,
Should in the Hall of Empire dodge,
Where the maids disport with little on,
Beware yon ballet dressed in gauze;
Oh, gaze not upon the shapely leg!
With fairy-queen pray take no 'libs'
Or thou mayst be taken down a peg.
Avoid the door of stage, my friend,
Or thou knowst not how the night will end.

Chorus: List! oh, list, to the one who knows,
Dear friend or gentle stranger!
Graze not on the well-filled tights,
Therein lurks unseen danger!

 
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Written and composed by E.W. Rogers - 1904
Performed by Arthur W. Rigby (1865-1944)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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