There'll Be Dirty Work At The Crossroads Tonight

THERE'LL BE DIRTY WORK AT THE CROSSROADS, TONIGHT

Now beauty is fatal - it's so in my case
But still I can't help being born with a face
That poets and painters declare is a dream
I've one little fault though - I will let off steam
When people upset me - it's silly I know
For instance, one night at a man's beauty show
An old maid said, 'Philbert, you've turned my poor head.'
'Twas her that looked 'nutty' I thought when she said,

Chorus: 'Grant me a favour - as you've won first prize
That is - let me turn out the light
For I've got to kiss you.' I said, 'If you do,
There'll be dirty work at the Cross Roads tonight.'

Now reading of burglars once put in my head
The idea to hide under somebody's bed
So one night I borrowed a skeleton key
And entered a house nearly opposite me
And somehow - alas - neath the virtuous couch
Of an Amazon maiden I happened to crouch
As she seized the poker and shouted, 'Don't hide
I've locked both the windows and door up.' I cried

Chorus: 'Grant me a favour - Don't call the police.'
She said, 'No, but you'll stay till daylight
To keep other burglars away.' I said, 'If I do,
There'll be dirty work at the Cross Roads tonight.'

To be a photographer once was my aim
So I bought a shop and thought I'd make a name
I did get one client who wanted to pose
And be photographed in a few beads for clothes
I said, 'Miss, as Psyche you'd come out all right
You'll need a bath towel and that's clothes enough quite.'
She went home and brought a bath towel next day
And as I snapshotted her, she yelled 'I say,

Chorus: 'Grant me a favour.' I said, 'Well, I'll try
Said she, 'Then this evening you might
Just paint me in oils as I stand.' So I said, 'If I do
There'll be dirty work at the Cross Roads tonight.'

Now bumps are a thing that I read very fair
My wife taught me first with the leg of a chair
And once when I sat with a girl in the park
She asked if her fortune I'd tell for a lark
I read her left hand, then said, 'Look out for strife
This dirty line means you'll work hard all your life.'
She slapped my face then, so I said, 'That'll do
I hope, Miss, I'm not asking too much of you,

Chorus: 'But grant me a favour.' She said, 'Well, I'll try
'Then Miss,' I said, 'Shut your eyes tight
I'll tell you your past life.' She said, 'If you do,
There'll be dirty work at the Cross Roads tonight.'