THERE'S A HOME FOR YOU WITH ME
 
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You married women ought to feel quite glad
For men nowadays can very rarely be had
Some men keep single just to save expense
Some never marry for they've got more common sense
If any old maid with a pot full of cash
Feels so disposed as to take on a mash
Please let me know, why there's one over there
What say? you have got twenty thousand quid to spare?

Chorus: There's a home for you with me, love
There's a home for you with me
Your face I don't mind oh, for as long as you've got rhino
There's a home for you and me.


I had a notion when I first left school
I'd preach to the cannibals the golden rule
When I arrived out in Tim-buc-too
I met their queen and had an interview
She had some rings stuck through her nose and ears
She did the war-dance and aroused my fears
I tried to scoot, but 'twas all in vain
She said, as she held her tomahawk near my brain

Chorus: 'There's a home for you with me, love
There's a home for you with me
I don't mean to hash thee, but I want someone to mash me
There's a home for you with me.


Round our neighbourhood there came one day
A poor little kitten who had gone astray
Thrown on the world without a mother's care
Left to the mercy of the boys round there
Our local butcher stood at his shop door
Heard pussie mewing and his heart felt sore
He picked her up, and with tears in his eyes
said - (As he thought about beef-steak pies),

Chorus: 'There's a home for you with me, love
There's a home for you with me
For you must die, and be beef-steak pie
There's a home for you with me.'


Poor Polly Perkins was a girl you know
Who shone in the ballet at the front back row
She's very partial to a glass of wine
She gets obstreperous and then does time
Last week at midnight Polly chanced to roam
And sang to a policeman, 'There's no place like home.'
That worthy officer said, 'Scuse me my dear
But you mustn't exercise your lungs round here.'

Chorus: 'There's a home for you with me, love
There's a home for you with me
Go quietly, I've found yer, or you'll find my truncheon round yer
There's a home for you with me.'
 
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Written and composed by Frank Leo
Performed by Wilkie Bard (1874-1944)
 
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