THEY ALL TAKE AFTER ME
 
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Folks say I ought to think myself the luckiest of men,
I am the happy father of a family of 'ten'.
Not one of them will leave me while a penny I have got,
They are a nice fat-headed, ugly, lazy, low-lifed lot.

Chorus: And they all take after me, yes, they all take after me,
My peculiarity, seems to run in the family;
They cadge, thieve, every chance they see,
There's Jack and Bill, they're on the 'Mill'
And they all take after me!

The girls all think they're handsome though they're pug-nosed ev'ry one,
The paist and powder they put on they have in by the ton,
To all the pubs and pawn-shops too, they frequent visits pay,
They love to stay out half the night and lie a' bed all day.

Chorus: And they all take after me, yes, they all take after me,
My peculiarity, seems to run in the family;
They all drink, whiskey in their tea,
They'd all of 'em rather die than work
And they all take after me!

Now all the boys are champion at shifting pots of ale,
But never soil their hands with work, except when they're in gaol,
They never meet a p'liceman but they want to have his blood,
They take delight in getting drunk and rolling in the mud.

Chorus: And they all take after me, yes, they all take after me,
My peculiarity, seems to run in the family;
They'd shift booze, until they couldn't see,
They go to bed with their boots on
And they all take after me!

There's Jim and Joe, they're married and their wives they do adore,
They make them clean their dirty boots and doss upon the floor.
They never give them money, though they gives them lots of 'cheek'
And never fail to serve 'em out with black-eyes twice a week,

Chorus: And they all take after me, yes, they all take after me,
My peculiarity, seems to run in the family;
They row, fight, slang so beautif'ly,
They larrup their wives, give 'em black-eyes,
And they all take after me!

 
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Written and composed by T.W. Connor & Harry Randall - 1893
Performed by Harry Randall (1857-1932)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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