THEY WANTED ME
 
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Last evening down at Marlbro' House, as usual Royalty
They gave a dinner party to the 'big pots' such as me
I got an invitation just to give 'tone' to the show
The Prince was awfully sorry when he heard I couldn't go.

Chorus: They wanted me, they wanted me
I really thought the offer jolly fine
But my only shirt, by gosh,
Hadn't come home from the wash
So I had to 'wire' to Teddy to decline.


I don't say I'm a handsome man - but there I draw the line
Some people would be very proud of such good looks as mine
Yet to my house last Guy Fawkes' day, some children did repair
And as they hadn't got a guy to fill their empty chair,

Chorus: They wanted me, they wanted me
No doubt they thought the offer jolly fine
But they always burn the guy
And as I'm much too young to die
I sent the answer out - I must decline.


Like all great men - I'm not too proud to help a man who's down
So when I got a message from a neighbour, Mr Brown
To say their kitchen chimney had been smoking for some months
Would I assist to put it right? Of course, I went at once.

Chorus: They wanted me, they wanted me
I thought to help them would be jolly fine
Till I found that they meant to
Use my head to brush the flue
Then I said that is an honour I decline.


Last season, down at Margate, all the girls were gone on me
I'm awfully fascinating when I'm bathing in the sea
A score of girls made up their minds, and came to me one day
And begged I'd teach them how to swim - I scarce knew what to say.

Chorus: They wanted me, they wanted me
I really thought the offer jolly fine
Till I heard one say with glee
What they meant to do with me
So I thought it would be safer to decline.
 
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Performed by George Robey (1869-1954)
 
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