THICK-EAR'D JIM
 
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It's a werry proud position to be Chairman,
The chairman of a nobby 'Friendly Lead'
Now a bloke may, as a singer, be a fair man,
But the chair, it wants some taking, that's agreed.
Now I started life in a werry 'umble way,
Grubbin' in the gutter, sleepin' on a shutter,
Up at Market, every morn at peep 'o day
My only recreation was a fight.
But I persewered till I won the middle-weight,
Filled myself with 'tucker', then became a 'chucker',
From a potman, I am werry proud to state,
Rose to landlord and that's why they say to-night.

Chorus: Who's that bounder a-sittin' in the chair?
Lummy don't 'e occupy the seat,
Thick-ear'd Jim, yus that's 'im!
S'help me bob 'e looks a treat, 'Order!'
Like a superanniwated Alderman, and the blokes and donas swear.
That a friendly lead is a lead indeed, when Thick-ear'd Jimmy takes the chair.

I have ofter been to big 'Armonic Meetings
Where Chairmen shouted Order! till they bust,
But I got a plan of rowdy people treating,
I don't shout out Order! till I've clumped'em fust.
The result is,now, when I takes the blinkin' Chair,
Ev'rybody's quiet, never has a riot,
My two dooks I shoves on the table, fair and,square,
And that's a sign I don't allow no libs.
Give yer orders gents the musicianers with me,
Let it go pianner! smokes' is seven a tanner
One-eyed Sam'll start this ev'nin's 'armonic
While the strangers eye me and say, 'Who's his nibs?'

Chorus:

Though I've rose to be the Landlord of a beer-ouse,
And got a dook that's felled a biggish ox,
I ain't proud but ev'ry Christmas, in this 'ere house,
I shake hands all round by way of Christmas box.
People call me 'Jim' and I ai'nt the least put out,
All their pals they're bringin' here to yer me singing.
A pafetic song is my 'forty' ne'er a doubt,
Where little kids git dyin' in the snow.
When they're six pots strong, I can make 'em cry like rain,
Tears go patter pitter in their mild and bitter.
They gets thirsty and says, 'fill them pots again!'
And the ladies say, 'Who's 'e I'd like to know?'

Chorus:

 
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Written and composed by E.W. Rogers - 1903
Performed by Alec Hurley (1871-1913)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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