TICK! TICK! TICK!
 
My name is Percy Prattle, well known up and down,
For my patter versus clatter on the topics of the town;
A one's my motto nothing else for me
Good as well as Deakin's tea.
I've a deal of land left by my sire,
A noble castle in Ayrshire.
I'm tall but short of tin but can do the trick
Like a watch am I for I do it on tick.
Tick! tick! tick! tick! ha! ha!

Chorus: Now on we go again for I never stick
No doubt you're surprised it's done on tick
I'm a happy, jolly dog as you can see,
And tick's the little game for me.


Now many fast gents you've seen, no doubt,
Who think they're lions at a ball or rout;
But I'm the ticket of the day,
And the fun is I'm never asked to pay.
My tradesmen bow when e'er we meet,
And as a monarch, me they greet;
Poole's my tailah an establish'd brick,
All the latest fashions and does it on
Tick! tick! tick! tick! ha! ha!

Chorus:

Of course, in the season, to Brighton I go,
On the Grand Parade I make a show;
Lounge along the beach with glass in eye
And quiz the pretty girls on the sly.
I know all the boys of the 'Skylark' boat,
Bitter beer them all and manage the float;
Then I go to Mutton's, a bit of lamb to pick,
Wind up with sherry and all on tick.
Tick! tick! tick! tick! ha! ha!

Chorus:

At the Music Halls oft I'm seen about
When they sing the "jolly dogs" then I'm good to shout
There's not a comic man but what I know,
They put me on the free list to go.
Then I do a stately promenade
Breaking females' hearts if they're not too hard.
Drink my sherry cobbler blow a pickwick
And 'square' the waiter all on tick.
Tick! tick! tick! tick! ha! ha!

Chorus:

I'm looking for a wife 80 years of age,
If she's as many hundreds why we may engage;
Girls don't he alarmed list awhile to me,
And I'll explain how it is you see.
Marriage is dear I can't stand the outlay.
One can't wed on tick and I never pay.
Unless amongst you here, I could chance to pick
Some charmer who'd marry this heavy swell on tick.
Tick! tick! tick! tick! ha! ha!

Chorus:
 
div
 
Written and composed by Alfred G. Vance - 1865
Performed by Alfred Vance (1839 - 1888)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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