I've just come back from Australia
As you can easy see
Sent out for the benefit of my 'ealth,
Werry kind treatment to me
They thought a tenner* would do me good,
I was as well as I could be
But they gave me a 'ticket-of leaf'
Vich vos the ticket for me.

Chorus: Who I is and wot's my game,
My willainny ain't so brief
Good luck I say to Sir Georgey Grey,
Wot granted a ticket-of-leaf.

* Ten years

I got home here in time for
To see Wormald and Marsden fight
Lots of vatches vent that day
Vich afore had not gone right
When tip swells fights appreciates,
It doesn't seem so low
But they can't complain if they lose their 'stooks',
If to such scenes they go.

Chorus: Who I is, and wot's my name,
My willainny ain't so brief
Good luck I say to Sir Georgey Grey,
Wot granted a ticket-of-leaf.

There's a 'ticket-of-leaf' man now I'd pick
A proper example to all young guns**
I means the one at the Royal 'Lympic
Who increased the treasurer's 'funs'
But he ain't like me for I like to thieve
Tho' the 'perlice' is werry 'ot
I'm good to 'dip' or 'crack a crib'
But I spurns the 'wile garotte.'


** Pickpockets

The Brothers' davenport's little game
To nothink seems to dwindle
Since Professor Handerson did show
Like his magic 'twas a swindle
Now there's a knot I'd like to see
The Davenport's untie it
I mean the one wot Calcraft does
They isn't game to try it.


Now there's swindles great as well as small
But swindle whatsomdever
That vun in the vine trade lately done
By a 'witty' man not clever
A Hog's-head sich as he desarves
A punching and be throttled
He took a drop too much of the draught
So by Government he's bottled.


Oh there's a dodge that did come out
Of swindles a colossus
A mechanical 'ead wot sings, 'tis said
Called a Hanthropoglossos
By electric means it sings it's song
But the public they did book it
With the 'Rogue's March' from St James's Hall
Vith a shock electric hooked it.

So now adoo each worthy pal
My visit must be brief
But return and see you again I shall
When I bring my 'ticket-of-leaf.'
Written and composed by Alfred Vance & M. Hobson - 1865
Performed by Alfred Vance (1883-1888)
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