TO SEE IF IT WAS FIT FOR FATHER
 
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'The boy's the father of the man' I've heard the wise folk say
So I looked after father in a strict paternal way
One day while waiting for a train a bookstall came in view
He bought a novel - it was French, so first I read it through.

Chorus: To see if it was fit for Father
To see if it would do for dad
I purchased him a childrens book
And bade him at the pictures look
I went right through that novel;
It made me laugh ha ha
It suited me just to a T
But I really couldn't think of it for pa.


A brand new ballet was produced just lately up the West
And papa said he'd like to go, but ma looked quite distressed
Said I, 'It don't commence till ten,' when pas should be in bed
I tucked him up at eight o'clock then off I went instead.

Chorus: To see if it was fit for Father
To see if it would do for dad
One hundred girls with hair of gold
All dressed in - well, they did look cold
The final scene was ripping
'The Harem of the Shah'
It is all right! - I'm there tonight
But I really couldn't think of it for pa.


One day papa, who's short and fat, and subject to the gout
Declared he knew a noted place for oysters and for stout
But safe inside a baker's shop, I said, 'Pa, you stop there.'
Then went to find this oyster bar just close to Leicester Square.

Chorus: To see if it was fit for Father
To see if it would do for dad
I left Papa with buns and milk
Then met a sweet young thing in silk
She showed me where the place was
(We quite forgot dad-da)
The stout's sublime! the 'natives' prime
But I really couldn't think of it for pa.


We keep a pretty parlour maid who got a nasty sprain
And pa said if the place was rubbed it soon would ease the pain
He got the embrocation out and chuckled so with glee
But I cried, 'Papa, no you don't.' then went down stairs to see.

Chorus: To see if it was fit for Father
To see if it would do for dad
I said, 'If you want to practice, pa
You pop upstairs and massage ma
I rubbed till I was weary
And used up all the jar
I cured the joint - the elbow's point
But I really couldn't think of it for pa.
 
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Written and composed by Edgar Bateman & Henry E. Pether - 1909
Performed by Vesta Tilley (1864-1952)
 
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