TOASTS
 
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I was at a party, the host came up to me,
Very hale and hearty and he greeted me you see.
And he said 'You're good at toasting we'd like a few from you.'
I said, 'I won't be crusty so I'll give you one or two.'

Here's to the girl who is so thin,
All dressed in frills and flounces
And here's to the girls who is so fat,
That when she falls she bounces.

Raise your glasses, say chin chin
And keep your elbows bending.

Here's to our viscounts and the earls,
And the glory that they send us.
And here's to the knights of the garter too,
And those that wear suspenders.

Here's to the girl at the fancy ball
All dressed in shell and twinkle,
And here's to the man that borrowed the pin
She's sorry she went as a winkle.

Here's to the man who plays the harp,
Forgive his other failings.
My father plays it all the way home
If there are any railings.

Here's to the man who wears tight boots
That hurt beyond all measure,
And say it's worth it for when they're off
It gives him so much pleasure.

Here's to the cow with the crumpled horn
And the manner she behaved in,
Those who take her milk have sworn
That its a Marcel wave in.

Here's to the girl who wears short skirts
With thin legs so distressing,
And here's to the girl who covers them up
And keeps us poor men guessing.

Here's to the man who reads the stars
And tells us things quite soothing,
And here's to the man who 'shoots the moon'
His motto is keep moving.

Here's to the gorging ostrich who
Of eating makes a sure job,
He swallowed a bag of big brass nails
And laid a lovely door knob.

For he's a jolly good fellow, he's a jolly good fellow,
He's a jolly good fellow, and keep your elbow bending.

 
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Performed by George Leyton (1864-1948)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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