TOORAL-OORAL-OORAL LEE
 
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Oh, I'm a fool as you can see
And I've been fooled so you'll agree;
When I tell you what occurred to me,
And Tooral-ooral-ooral Lee;
When Tooral and me went out to tea,
With Sally McGee and she sat on my knee,
And we couldn'y agree, 'cos Tooral said he,
Loved Sally McGee and she loved he;
And so all three did disagree,
And Sally McGee upset the tea,
All over me and Tooral-ooral-ooral Lee,
And Tooral-ooral-i-doe and tooral-ooral-ooral Lee
And Tooral-ooral-i-doe.

A feeling of anger o'er me spread,
I threatened to punch young Tooral's head,
Then Sally's face got awfully red,
When I asked her which of the two she'd wed;
She up and said, I was misled,
And very ill-bred, on her heart to tread;
That she couldn't conceive why I thought she'd deceive,
That she'd very much grieve If I'd disbelieve
In her love, for she was certain that we
Would always agree and said that she
Would sooner have me than Tooral-ooral-ooral Lee,
Than Tooral-ooral-i-doe.

So as on marriage we were bent,
Why Sally and I to the altar went,
Tho' I'm sorry she ever did give her consent,
But the crime has carried the punishment;
For she's not content, that's evident,
And I often lament that I underwent
The experiment, for she's violent
To such a degree, 'cos I could see
That Tooral Lee was much too free,
And between you and me, I think that she
Is rather fond of Tooral-ooral-ooral Lee,
Of Tooral-ooral-i-doe.

And therefore as a last resource
I'm going to try and get a divorce,
I find that'll be the easiest course,
And I'll do it without the least remorse.
For ye know, of course, I can't be worse
I'd best be a horse or a bloated corse;
Than to allow she and Tooral Lee
To treat poor me as If I was a flea,
But I hope with glee, the day to see
When sorry she'll be she discarded me,
Because she wanted Tooral-ooral-ooral Lee,
For Tooral-ooral-i-doe.
 
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Written, composed and performed by Arthur Lloyd (1840-1904)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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