THE TOWN CRIER
 
Will Dalton
 

I am the local crier,
And each morning with my bell,
I march around the neighbourhood,
The latest news to yell.
The beadle called on me today,
I've got a job to do,
To advertise a baby found,
Does it belong to you?

Chorus: Oh Yes! Oh Yes! Oh Yes!
Just found a little kid,
Outside the workhouse door, laid in
A box without a lid.
Blue eyes and golden hair,
And bandy, more or less;
And a lovely little strawberry mark
On it's yes, Oh yes! Oh yes!

The other day a lady she,
Was ridinging on a bike,
When somehow or other
She collided with a 'tyke'
The over quickly went the show,
A big reward she gives
To anyone who'll tell her where
That doggie's owner lives.

Chorus: Oh yes! Oh yes! Oh yes!
She'll take the case to law,
If anyone that knows the facts
Will call on her at four;
Not only is the bike
A smash up more or less but
She fell upon her... funny bone,
Oh yes! Oh yes! Oh yes!

I've to record a robbery,
The next thing on my card;
That took place late the other night
In somebody's back yard.
They'd hung their family washing out
To dry but in the morn
The mother nearly had a fit,
For all the lot was gone.

Chorus: Oh yes! Oh yes! Oh yes!
They've lost a shirt or two,
A pair of sheets, a counterpane
Of rainbow coloured hue.
There's father's worsted socks,
And sister's cotton dress,
and some... baby's pocket handkerchiefs,
Oh yes! Oh yes! Oh yes!

Now at the local draper's shop
They've got a bargain sale,
And those who think they'll tie the knot
Should visit without fail.
Go all you would-be married men,
And they'll supply your needs;
I've got this bill to advertise,
And this is how it reads,

Chorus: Oh yes! Oh yes! Oh yes!
'Get married in a trice,
We're selling off some useful things
At half the usual price!'
I know there's been a rush,
And for cradle too, I guess,
We've had a lovely crop this season,
Oh yes! Oh yes! Oh yes!

 
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Written and composed by Arthur J. Mills - 1899
Performed by Will Dalton
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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