TRIXIE OF UPPER TOOTING
 
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Now of course you've heard of Trixie, of whom I'm going to sing,
Trixie of the town of Upper Tooting.
Oh, I'm very much afraid that she's a wicked little thing,
Very wicked for the town of Upper Tooting!
She wears a little cycle skirt, cut just below the knees,
And if you say, 'It's rather short.' she simply says that she's
Not going to be dictated to, she'll wear just what she please.'
The streets are rather full at Upper Tooting.

Chorus: Trixie is a terror,
Trixie is a turk,
Trixie sets the neighbourhood a hooting.
When she came to stay,
All the curates went away,
For Trixie was the talk of Upper Tooting.

Now, once she wenr out shopping with her brother for the day,
They call them brothers down at Upper Tooting,
She wished to see some things, for which the gentleman would pay,
The brothers always pay at Upper Tooting!
'Something useful, it's for children' she was starting to explain,
Then she left him in the shop and budtled off to catch a train,
What should he get? for children? he nearly racked his brains,
And brains are rather scarce at Upper Tooting.

Chorus: Trixie was a terror,
Trixie was a turk,
But her tone was rather rude and high faluting,
When they sent her home a pram,
She softly murmered, 'Tut!'
And 'tut' is rather strong for Upper Tooting.

The Czar of all the Russians is an enterprising man,
And yet he's never been to Upper Tooting.
Just lately he's been working out a pacifying plan,
And he hopes to get support from Upper Tooting.
He says that war and carnage must immediately decrease,
And the only way to get is by universal peace,
He's going to give up soldiers and even the police!
That wouldn't suit the cooks at Upper Tooting.

Now Trixie went to Earls Court once, she meant to have a spree,
They never have a spree at Upper Tooting.
For everyone said the Kraal was quite the thing to see,
And they know a thing or two at Upper Tooting!
She'd been to exhibitions ever since she had been small
But such an 'Exhibition' she could really not recall,
For she saw so much, she didn't like to tell her mother all!
And mothers know a lot at Upper Tooting.

Chorus: Chorus: Trixie was a terror,
Trixie was a turk,
She'd seen the blacks in all their summer-suiting,
But since the 'Daily Mail' said, "No,
Ladies must not see the show!"
They're going to start a Kraal at Upper Tooting.

Now, Sir Thomas Lipton seems to suit the Yankees to a T!
They're very fond of tea at Upper Tooting,
And everybody hopes the cup in England soon they'll see,
They're very fond of cups at Upper Tooting.
The Shamrock is a splendid yacht, the world has seen it's pace,
And connoisseurs have stated that it's bound to get a place,
But as they couldn't 'raise a wind' they couldn't 'win a race'
They can always raise the wind at Upper Tooting!

Chorus: Oh! it is a marvel,
A wonder of a yacht,
In America it's fame is constituting,
If Sir Thomas only wins,
They'll forgive hime all his sins,
Why, they'll even eat his jam at Upper Tooting!

'Tis said five hundred,thousand pounds the Boer has comandeered,
'Pinched' I think's the word at Upper Tooting.
The placards of the press were such that it was almost feared
They'd commandeer the town of Upper Tooting.
They do not call it stealing, it's quite different they say,
So if we see a costume and we can't afford to pay,
We needn'e feel uneasy, commandeer it, that's the way,
There'll be some stylish frocks at Upper Tooting!

Chorus: Oh! the Boes are terrors,
With their underhanded work,
But the terms of peace must be to England, suiting;
Or with our strenth of troops and will,
There'll be no Majuba Hill,
Why, we'll blow them to the place past Upper Tooting!

 
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Written and composed by Paul Rubens - 1901
Performed by Ada Reeve (1874-1966)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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