TROUBLES
 
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Here we go gathering nuts and May
What a ridiculous thing to say
How can a fellow go gathering may
When there's no may to gather
Some men seem to get heaps of work
And never sample strife
I've done nothing for twenty years
I'm out of work for life.

Refrain: I'm out of work, I'm out of work
Stony broke without a sou
Nothing for smoking and nothing to chew
I haven't got any work to do
In fact I'm out of work.


Everything comes to the man that's got
Patience to wait, but I think it's rot
Somebody else goes and collars the lot
While the other fellow's waiting
Once a Johnny came up to me
And knocked my ' boko' flat
He said, 'What are you waiting for?'
And I said, 'Not for that.'

Refrain: He punched my nose, he punched my nose
Oh my, how he did lather me
Punched my nose with the force of three
I wouldn't mind about that, you see
But he punched my nose!


Ever since I was a boy, you know
I hadn't seen any life and so
Somebody kidded me on to go
To a socialistic meeting
They were throwing the hatchet
Then they started throwing knives
Twenty seven lost arms and legs
And thirty lost their lives.

Refrain: I lost my hat, I lost my hat
Off my napper that hat was tossed
Three and a tanner that cady cost
I wouldn't care if my hat I'd lost
But I lost my hat!


I sat on top of a bus one day
Dressed like a Marquess and felt so gay
When the girls saw me they fainted away
And the horses did a gallop
All at once I espied a maid
Oh what a dial to see
She threw kisses and when I saw
She fell in love with me.

Refrain: I fell off the bus, I fell off the bus
Everybody began to stare
I did nothing but lay and swear
I wouldn't mind but I'd paid my fare
And I fell off the bus.
 
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Performed by Wilkie Bard (1874-1944)
 
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