THE TURKEY AND THE BEAR
 
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Now once there was a Turkey who had acted very wrong,
Residing near a Bear who was wonderfully strong;
Not far away a Lion dwelt and with him lived a Bull,
Who with troubles of this Turkey was particularly full.
Said the Bear unto the Turkey, 'You are guilty, don't deny,
And as it's coming Christmas time, I think you ought to die.
I have waited for you long enough.' he then held out his claw,
And was just about to clutch when he heard the Lion roar.

Chorus: The Great Russian Bear, he would like to tear,
The Turkey all to pieces and take away a share,
But the Lion said, 'Beware, Mister Bruin have a care,
You want to take the Turkey but touch him if you dare.

Said the Bear unto the Lion, 'Why don't you let me be?
This Turkey isn't amiable and virtuous like me;
Us Bears are quite contented with one she-bear in our dens,
But this Turkey is not satisfied without a dozen hens
Then there's lots of little Turkeys, such artful little elves,
Who are always pecking other birds who can't protect themselves.
Come, let me have a go at him, my paws around him throw,
It will save you lots of trouble.' Says the Lion, 'Not for Joe.'

Chorus:

Said the Lion to the Bear, 'I don't wish to be severe,
But cannot you remember how we met in Crimea;
I'm sure you can't forget the glorious charge I made,
I mean the Balaklava Charge made by my Light Brigade;
And tho' this Turkey's guilty of some very cruel things,
Which he shall never do again, I mean to clip his wings,
Tey it would never do for me to have a growling beast,
Like a Bear to bar the passage to my Empire in the East.

Chorus:

Then the Lion looked around him and saw some Eagles nigh,
The Austrian and the Prussian were flying up on high;
Only waiting for the Turkey to be mangled by the Bear,
For each of them to step in and to take a little share.
So he quietly resolved that justice should be done,
To Servians, Bulgarians and Christians, every one,
But, said he, I'll show these Eagles, the Bear and likewise all,
That without the Lion gives consent, the Turkey shall not fall

Chorus:
 
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Written, composed and performed by Fred Albert (1844-1886)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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